Suspicions

by Elizabeth M. Barr
November 2000
PG-13

A very short Drusilla story, set during "Lie to Me", with foreshadowing for the later 2nd season and a few speculations of my own.

I'm quite sure that I'm insane. Not certain, but I have suspicions.

Of course, I have a lot of suspicions. I suspect that Angel is in love with the Slayer. I suspect that his blood sings with the thought of her, like mine sings for him, like Spike's sings for all of us. Darla, Angel, me, Spike … a family. I hear the blood singing sometimes, like a choir, like a choir of schoolchildren.

He did love schoolchildren.

I suspect that he remembers killing Darla, that he wakes up shaking with the memory and half-hoping that it was only a dream.

I felt it when the stake went through her. My boy was so far away from his family…

I dream about the murder of my sire. I walk up behind him – quiet, quiet, quiet as a mouse – and drive the stake into him while the Slayer watches.

I dream when I'm awake. My world tilts, spins, shifts, and then the dreams come.

I'm quite sure that I'm insane.

I went hunting last night. Spike got angry, but he was secretly pleased that I'm strong enough. Angel chased my dinner away.

My boy used to enjoy the children so much, almost as much as he loved the convents.

I was in a convent once. Virgin blood, untainted …

Angel chased my dinner away. My boy's all gone now.

We spoke in the darkness. I could feel *her* eyes on me. The Slayer. I could smell her blood.

Her blood sang for him too, the way mine does. I used to be like her, innocent and lovely. She has dreams, too, seeing that which no human has the right to see. But I'm not human, and she … she's the Slayer. A force in herself.

I might have been a Slayer, once. We killed a watcher, my Spike and I. His blood was tainted with magic and the goodness was like a poison within him, but we drank deeply from him anyway. And then we read his books, and they said that I could have been a Slayer, if the world had been different. Cruel books, laughing at me while I read. Spike laughed too, he didn't understand at all.

I dream about Angel, walking up, quiet, silent, ghostly behind him and driving the stake into his heart. And the Slayer watches, and she knows.

I dream about killing him in front of her with all of her friends watching.

Nasty friends. They hurt my Spike.

I'll kill them all. Make her crazy, the way Angel made me crazy.

I'm not sure if I'm crazy. But I have my suspicions.

The blood of the humans is calling. I'll hunt again tonight. And maybe I'll dream about Angel, and the stake, and the Slayer.

END

Feedback and chocolate: elizabeth_barr@yahoo.com.au

Buffy and all related characters are the property of Fox and the creation of Joss Whedon. I believe that Mutant Enemy (grrr, arrgh) fits in there somewhere as well.