Chapter summary: Lily and friends seek a new status quo, as everyone recovers from summer and prepares to return to school.

Complete notes and disclaimers at beginning.
 
 

Severus woke shortly after dawn, rolling over in his bed and opening his eyes to look at Lily.  She was sitting in a chair by the cold fireplace, wearing a t-shirt and a blanket.

"Good morning," he said.

"Possibly."

He sat up, pushing the hair out of his eyes and giving her a piercing look.  "Are you all right?"

"I … don't know.  I should … I should begin to go on again.  I should keep going.  But I don't know what to do now."

"Come back to bed."

Lily bit her lip and complied.

***

It was easier the second and third times: their embarrassment (in themselves and in each other) diminished at the same time as their knowledge expanded.  This was nothing like she'd imagined her first love affair.  But it would suffice.

Lily's owl waited for them in the dining room when they finally emerged from Severus' room, bathed and a little relieved to have retreated to the shelter of clothing.  She bore a letter from her mother. Its stilted formality belied the fact that this was not the first draft.

I know you're angry, it said, truly, I understand everything you're feeling, and more besides.  Daddy and I understand that you need some space.  So we won't pressure you.  I know that James and his friends will take care of you, and I trust you not to do anything foolish.  Come home when you're ready; we'll all be waiting.

Lily scowled.  "Of course she won't pressure me to come home.  She doesn't even know where I am, and she has no way of following!  And what right does she have to say that?"

Severus had read the letter over her shoulder.  "To say what?  She thinks you're with Potter, and trusts you.  It's more than my mother would do."

"It's just – it's just—" Lily sank into a chair, glaring at the letter.  "It's just so bloody patronising!  I trust you … well, why wouldn't she trust me?"  Aside from the fact that her mother knew that Lily had kissed James … and hadn't she broken that implicit trust anyway?  Lily buried her face in her arms.  "Oh, Lord…" Severus' hands rested on her shoulders, oddly hesitant, for all that they had touched her far more intimately only an hour before.  "I think," she said slowly, "that I may have acted in haste."

Behind her, she sensed him freeze.  "Am I … distasteful to you, then?"

"You know that's not the case."  Lily straightened.  "I think – I think that I just wanted to spite her."

"Really."

"There might have been better ways to go about it.  There are too many responsibilities, now."  Like the still boy behind her.  Lily found his arms and drew them forward, kissing the tips of his fingers.  His breath brushed the back of her neck: she wasn't going to let him go.  "I should have just taken up smoking," she muttered.

"They're hardly mutually exclusive."

Lily laughed, and her pain began to diminish again.  She penned a terse letter to her mother, offering nothing more than a promise that she'd be home in a few days.  Then she let Severus take possession of her hands, and body, and after that, there was no room for pain or grief.

***

"Explain it to me again."

Lily sighed and leaned back, incidentally offering him a better view of her near-nude form.  She adjusted the cushion under her head and studied the patterns on the ceiling while Severus examined her feet.

"One.  After this, we only have one summer left before school finishes.  Neither of our family homes are particularly satisfactory situations, although yours has the advantage that your mother wouldn't care if you dated a Veela or a Manticore, provided that you don't have children."

"Well," Severus' hand moved up to her calf, "she'd find a Manticore a lot harder to insult, surely."

Lily scowled; Madam Snape showed no interest in her son's nocturnal activities, but she showed no concern for his lover's feelings, either.  Having been furnished with proof of Lily's foolishness (her term), she exercised her finely honed instincts for weakness and sarcasm at every opportunity.

"Secondly," Lily continued, "we have ambitions – that is, we both want futures in somewhat related areas – you in Potions research, me in magical medicine."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"Well, my real interest is in the academic exploration of the Dark Arts.  But it's difficult to get permission to pursue that legally at the best of times, and almost impossible now."

"I would rather you did something else."

"I've noticed.  But continue.  Tell me again where this is going."

Lily jabbed his bare chest with her big toe.  "America.  Or maybe Canada or Australia.  We save our money, and then we leave."

"Leave."

"Our families.  You Know Who.  Malfoy."

"What about Potter, and all your other friends?"

Lily sighed; letters from the boys and Nancy had arrived in the last two days.  She'd had to work fast to talk James out of Apparating to her mother's home for a surprise visit.  ("More of a surprise for your sister than you, really.  Especially when she finds the biting teacup.")  It had been an awkward, unwanted reminder that she had a life outside of Severus, to which she would eventually have to return.

"I don't know.  I'll think of something."

"Do make sure you send everyone a copy of the script."

"You don't like the idea."

"I like it."  His hands found hers, and his eyes were bleak.  "I just don't believe in it.  I suppose I lack your imagination."

"If you mean naivety, then say so."

"All right.  I think it's naïve to think that we can simply solve all our problems and change what we are by running away."

A cool voice at the threshold said, "Dangerous, too."  Lily sprang for her robes, and Severus stood up, furious.  Despite her detached tone of voice, Marguerite Da Silva's eyes were cold, yet furious.  She advanced on Severus and grabbed his arm.

"How could you?" she demanded, "how could you betray yourself with that Mudblood?"

"Marguerite," said Severus, his voice deathly soft, "I've told you before not to visit me unannounced."

"Yes, well, now I can see why," she spat.  "How long has this been going on?  Did you really think you could keep it from your friends?"  She glared past him at Lily.  "And you – you think you're good enough for a pureblood wizard?  Just because that Muggle-lover Potter will have you doesn't make you better than anyone else.  You're not fit to lick the boots of a pureblood."

Lily gave Marguerite a quelling look, and continued dressing.  Her hands were shaking, and it took three attempts to get her robes on.  Severus moved to help, but stopped at the look on her face.

Let them wait, Lily thought.  She was having sudden doubts about the likelihood of Severus defending her, and she felt somewhat outnumbered.

When she was fully dressed, she took three slow steps towards Marguerite. "I have no idea why you're such a bigoted bitch.  I don't really care.  But for the record, I'm not a Mudblood.  I'm a half-blood.  I'm as half-blooded as Sirius Black, and if he was good enough for you, then I'm surely good enough for Severus."

Marguerite turned pale, and Severus' eyes widened.

"How did you know about that?" Marguerite demanded, and then answered her own question.  "Potter.  Of course."

"Is it true?" Severus asked, sounding sick.  A certain nausea was entering Lily as well, permeating the emotional and hormonal fog of recent days.  That particular secret had never been intended for her ears, and now she had passed it on to the person that Sirius would least want to know…

Marguerite watched her, and a shaky smile touched her mouth as she guessed Lily's thoughts.

"So you're neither the pristine virgin, the rank Mudblood nor the upstanding Gryffindor that we all thought, Evans."

"She was almost sorted into Slytherin," Severus said.

"Really."  Amusement flickered in Marguerite's eyes.  "That would have been interesting … I wonder if anyone would have realised the truth, or if Dumbledore would just claim credit for breaking Slytherin's charms on the Sorting Hat, like Dippet did."

"What's Dippet got to do with this?" asked Lily.

"About thirty years ago," said Severus, "a Muggle-born witch was sorted into Slytherin.  Or so it appeared.  Dippet made all sorts of claims about Slytherin being open to the Muggle-born, but she was the only one.  I think she died…"

"She did," said Marguerite.  "And I don't believe she was a Muggle-born at all.  You should know her, Evans – she's still in the school."

"Moaning Myrtle," Lily guessed.

"My mother still believes she was a Mudblood," said Marguerite, "but then, Mother didn't have the same basis for comparison that we do.  Can you guess Moaning Myrtle's family?"

Lily frowned, remembering the squat, spotty face and blinking, near-sighted eyes peering through messy hair.

"She's a Potter," she whispered.

"Probably.  Not that the family would ever admit it … they're Muggle-lovers, the lot of them, but they're usually so careful about mistakes like that…" Marguerite gave Lily an appraising look.  "You don't look like a Potter.  Or a Snape, or any family I know … I suppose you could be a Weasley, but then the Hat wouldn't have considered Slytherin…" She frowned, and shook her head.  "This is irrelevant.  Severus, she might be half-blood, but she is still a Gryffindor."  She gave him a pitying look.  "I know this story, Sev.  It doesn't have a happy ending."

"Black," Severus said.  "You and Sirius Black."

Marguerite shook her head.  "You wouldn't understand."

"I don't want to understand."

"I do," said Lily.  "You seem to think that some tawdry – thing with Sirius is comparable to Severus and I, and I'd like to know what gives you the right to make that judgement."  Her crystal-cool voice cracked as she added, "you couldn't possibly understand the first thing about loving someone."

Marguerite stared at her, and then burst out laughing.  "God, Sev, she's adorable!  I always knew Evans was an idiot, but this—"

Lily grabbed her arm and twisted it, forcing Marguerite to stop.  "Tell me," she whispered, releasing her.

"Very well, then."  Marguerite looked at Severus.  "You know my parents, Sev.  They're powerful, very powerful.  And they have great seniority in the Dark Order."  She turned back to Lily.  "I have been raised as a Dark witch.  I was reading Forbidden Volumes when I was nine.  I am my parents' protégé, and in everything, I am to please them."

"That hardly explains Black," said Severus.

"No.  But I want Evans to understand this.  Halfblood she may be, but she doesn't understand our ways."

"Enlighten me," said Lily.

"I have loved Tobias Lestrange since I was six," Marguerite said simply.  "I didn't know what it was at first.  My family doesn't speak of love.  But … I couldn't stop, not even when my parents ordered me to.  Even when they put me under Imperius, I loved Tobias."  Her face was alive with obsession and, Lily admitted, love.  "Black was my last attempt to please my parents.  To find out for myself whether 'love' was really just the respectable face of lust."  Wistfully she said, "it turns out that it's not."

"You turned Sirius into a test subject?"

"Why not?"  Marguerite shrugged.  "He enjoyed himself.  More than I did, anyway."

"Why Black?" asked Severus.

"He sometimes makes me laugh.  Not often … but sometimes."

Lily shuddered.  "You slept with Sirius just because he made you laugh?"

"Don't be absurd, Evans.  Although if that's the way Muggles behave, I can suddenly see your appeal.  We never slept together.  I didn't want to, and Sirius has that odd Gryffindor morality which you obviously lack.  He didn't want to betray Tobias."

Severus sneered and said, "How noble."

"I like it," Lily murmured.

"Well, you are the hypocrite, then, aren't you, Evans?"

"Yes," said Lily, standing up.  "I suppose I am.  And if you'll excuse me, I need a shower."

The conversation had left her feeling deeply tainted, and she didn't want to be in Marguerite's company a minute longer.  She locked the bathroom door and savagely scrubbed every inch of her body, twice.  The soap reminded her of Severus, but it wasn't a memory she particularly wanted at that moment.

I don't belong to myself anymore.

Every intimate touch seemed to take her further away from herself, and she didn't know how to retrieve whatever it was that she'd lost.  She felt diminished, and lonely, for she could hardly share this fear with Severus.  He would take it as a wholesale rejection, and he was almost the last thing she had left…

Lily stopped drying herself to examine her reflection in the mirror.  Her face was pale and strained, and her eyes were enormous.  She looked older than sixteen.

"Cheer up, love," said the mirror.  "It can't possibly be as bad as all that."

"Can't it?"

"Well, I might be wrong … you are alone for a change.  I thought I'd crack from embarrassment, yesterday."

"Um.  Sorry."  Lily had never considered the possibility of voyeuristic or shy household ornaments, but she couldn't work up the energy to be embarrassed.  "What do I do now?"

'Don't ask me, dear.  I'm just a mirror."

"Right."

"Try a painting.  They're far more practical than us flibbertigibbet mirrors."

"Thanks."

Downstairs, Lily found Severus and Marguerite speaking quietly.  They didn't notice her entrance.

"…Foolish, Sev.  There are already doubts about you.  She may not be Muggle-born, but she is a Gryffindor.  Although it obviously doesn't go that deep … I suppose she could be taught…"

"No," said Severus firmly, "I don't want her to be—"

"Like us?"

"She is foolish and naïve, but I like it."

"I suppose you do.  You feed on her innocence, because you have none of your own."

"You make me sound like a parasite."

"Do you love her, then?"

"I … don't know.  She's more like a girl in a book than an actual person, or so she seemed at first.  The truth is, I only began this because I wanted to see if she was real.  I've never met anyone like her."

"Go on."

"Lucius said something about her when we met him, something about sharing my hobbies.  I took her down Knockturn Alley.  She was interested … she could be taught, if we persuaded her that it was for some greater good.  But I regretted taking her down there.  I don't want to put her in danger, and I don't want her to lose that … purity."

Marguerite smiled slightly.  "I'd say she's lost that all ready."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know."   Marguerite sighed.  "You want the diagnosis from someone who had to figure it out on her own?  You love Evans.  But not as much as she loves you.  She draws strength from it.  But it's a weakness in you.  And your position is dangerous enough as it is."

Severus said nothing.

"You'll have to make a choice, Sev.  Sooner or later."

"Later.  Much later."

"Sooner than you think."  Marguerite rose to her feet with a grace that Lily envied.  "I should go.  I only came over to see if you're all right."

Lily slipped away as they turned to discuss mutual friends and Slytherin politics.

Severus found her a quarter of an hour later, packing her things.

"You're going home."

"Yes."  Lily folded her Coelura cloak.  "Marguerite is like a dash of cold water."

"She has that effect on many people."

"I need to get home.  My parents – my mother is probably worried about me."

"I suppose she is."  He watched her.  "Will you come back to me?"

"To this house?  I don't know."  He wrapped his arms around her, and despite herself, Lily felt a thrill of pleasure at the contact.  She kissed him and whispered, "you could visit me … my mother works two days a week, and I won't be seeing the boys every day…"

His eyes gleamed as he kissed her, and he said, "I hate the thought of losing you."

"You won't," she promised, "but I can't walk away from my family."

It was obvious that he didn't understand, but he let her go, albeit several hours later.  They Portkeyed home together, and worked in near-silence to create a Portkey of his own.  Severus' parting kiss lingered on Lily's lips as he vanished.

Downstairs, she could hear her family moving about, but she was unsure of how to approach them.  How could she simply join them at the dinner table as if nothing had happened; how could she look her father (no, her mind corrected, her mother's husband) in the eye?

In the end, she curled up on her bed, reassured by its familiarity.  It was too hot for blankets in this Muggle house, but she curled herself around her pillows and listened to her family.  Their voices were soft, and there were many silences.  She wondered if it was always this peaceful without her.

After dinner, footsteps approached up the stairs; Petunia, by the sound of it.  She made her way up the hall and paused in the doorway to Lily's bedroom.

Should have closed the door, Lily thought.

"When did you come back?" Petunia asked.

"A couple of hours ago."

Petunia closed the door and sat on Lily's bed.  "Mum and Dad have been worried sick."

"If you say so."

Petunia scowled.  "It's not as though you've been around to know.  Mum and Dad have been fighting, too."

"Sorry."

"So you should be.  Why'd you leave, anyway?"

"Had a fight with Mum."

"I knew that."  But Lily said nothing more.  "Mum thinks you were with that Potter."

"What of it?"

"I think you were at your slimy boyfriend's house."

"He's not slimy," Lily mumbled into her pillow.  "He's lovely.  Anyway, at least he's not a fat bully like Vernon."

Petunia made a sudden movement, as if she wanted to revert to childhood and give Lily a good, hard pinch.  Instead, she asked spitefully, "Did you sleep with him?"

"Vernon?"

"Snape."

Lily sighed.  "Yes."

"You'll get a reputation if you carry on like that.  Although you probably have one all ready, the way you hang around those boys."

"I don't care," Lily lied.

"Was it…?" Petunia hesitated. "What was it like?"

"Sex?"

"Um … yes."

"You mean you haven't--?"

"I plan to wait until we're married.  I just – wanted to know…"

Lily rolled over so she could look at her sister properly.  "It gets better after the first time," she said finally.

"Oh."  Petunia was silent for a few minutes, and there was a knock at the door.

Their mother entered.  She looked very pale, and sounded tense as she said, "Pet?  I heard voices … Lily?"

Lily lifted her head from Petunia's shoulder.  "Hi, Mum."

"Hi."  They stared at each other, and then Mrs Evans said, "have you eaten?"

"No."

"Come downstairs.  I'll fix you something."

Walking out, Lily caught an odd expression on Petunia's face, a kind of desperate jealousy.  It was pointless as far as Lily could see – surely Petunia would be welcomed home even if she went away like this. But Petunia had never even tried to leave.

Mr Evans greeted Lily with a hug, saying nothing but a quiet, "Welcome back."  Then he and Petunia settled down to watch television, while Lily followed her mother into the kitchen.

"I just want you to know," she said quietly, "that I'm not back because I've forgiven you."

"Then why are you here?"

"Where else would I go?"

"How is James?"

Lily stared at the kitchen table.  "I don't know," she said at last.  "I was with Severus."  She raised her eyes to watch her mother realise the full implications of that statement.

"Do you have no self-respect?"

"How can I?  I don't even know what I am."  Halfblood-witch-Gryffindor-lover-woman, whispered her mind.

"You're making a mistake."

"It's mine to make."

Mrs Evans' eyes flashed, but she said nothing.  Lily ate her sandwich in silence.

***

The rest of summer slid by in a haze of sunny days with James and the boys, warm hours in her room with Severus and awkward silences with her mother.

The first time he saw her after what Lily mentally euphemised as 'family business', James gave her an appraising look and a long, tight hug.

"Are you all right?" he asked quietly.  His breath tickled Lily's ear and made her shiver.

"I'm fine," she whispered.

"You look—" He stepped back and held her at arms' length— "older."

"I am older.  Several weeks older."  Self-consciously, she pulled away and snuck a glance at the other boys, who were conspicuously looking elsewhere.  "Are you all right?" she asked James.  "You look tired."

"I am.  Haven't been sleeping well.  The heat.  And, um, nightmares."

Lily squeezed his arm, and they both pulled back, jolted by the contact.

What, Severus isn't good enough for you anymore?

Go away, Lily told the inner voice.  I don't want this … I want to be James' friend, that's all…

They stared mutely at each other for a moment.  James, with a visible effort, turned away.

"Come on," he said to the others with a slightly brittle note in his voice, "let's get going."

Flying with her friends, Lily found an emotional balance that she'd sorely missed. She threw herself into training for the Quidditch try-outs, becoming braver and more confident, until she was a match for Sirius on the broom.  James still outstripped both of them without even trying, but his pleasure in her success was so great that she couldn't begrudge him his talent.

Remus and Peter preferred to keep their feet on the ground, practicing spells or swimming.  Peter was reading ahead for Potions, his confidence boosted after his unexpected success in the OWLs.  Remus was recovering from one of his many illnesses, although he grew brown and strong in the sun.

Alone of all of them, Lily neither tanned nor freckled; her skin was as white as ever, but infinitely more sensitive.  She learnt to keep a distance between herself and James, ignoring his puzzled looks as she moved to sit beside Peter or Remus when he drew close.

There were compensations for the awkwardness, long days in her stuffy, closed bedroom with Severus.  She watched him one afternoon, examining her books, running an absent-minded finger down their spines.

"Are you all right?" Lily asked, stretching.

"I'm fine.  Why do you ask?"

"You've been staring at Prince Caspian for five minutes."

He put the book back, and picked up The Last Battle.  "I'm just worried," he said.  "I had … words with Lucius, you see.  About … things."

"The Apprenticeship."

"That was one thing, yes."

"And us?"

"That was another."

Lily sat up.  "You didn't tell him—"

"No.  He believes that I am throwing a promising career in the Dark Arts away for a common Mudblood.  He is … very angry."

"Is he likely to hurt you?  Us?"

"I don't believe so.  I won't let him … I'm just concerned."  He turned around and offered her a very slight smile.  "It's like you said.  We won't be around here forever."

Lily sat up, smiling in delight.  "Do you mean that?  You've changed your mind about the America idea?"

"Leaving the country, and our backgrounds, will be far more difficult than you seem to believe.  But I'm willing to contemplate considering it."

"Gosh.  How generous."

Severus gave her a puzzled look, and she began to giggle.  He was about to say something, when his eyes widened.  "What," he asked icily, "is that?"

"What is what?"  Lily stood up, slipping her arm around his waist and kissing his shoulder.  He pointed at something partially concealed behind a pile of hair ribbons and an old photo of her first cat.

"That."

"That," said Lily, "is a teddy bear."

Severus picked it up, examining the bear's tiny robes and green and silver tie.  "Is it meant to be … me?"

"'Course it is.  Who else in Slytherin has hair like yours?  Plus, look, he's holding a little vial for Potions."  She pointed at her bedside table, where the other bears stood in a row.  "See?  I have a collection."

"Teddy bears?  Based on – you – who made them?"

"Nancy."

"Why?"

"Because they are attractive, and because she knows I care about you."

"She had no right," he grumbled.

"I like it."  Lily kissed his neck and nibbled on an earlobe until he exhaled slowly, put the bear down and relaxed against her.

***

Lily was fairly certain that her mother knew what they did while she was at work; she'd found her examining the unwashed dishes by the sink one evening.  There had clearly been two people eating that day.  But nothing was said.  There was no communication between Lily and her parents, and little between her and Petunia, despite their temporary truce.  James visited once, and raised his eyebrows at the tension, but Lily refused to explain the rift.

The only person who knew the whole of the situation was Nancy.  She met Lily in Diagon Alley late that summer, looking sleek, professional and happy.  Lily impulsively hugged her, more pleased to see Nancy than she had realised.

"Ah, Lily," Nancy sighed, returning the hug, "you poor thing … I wonder if I can solve all your problems in my lunch hour?"

"I doubt it, but I appreciate the attempt."

"Anytime.  Anything to get away from my future in-laws."  Carefully, Nancy said, "I asked Frank about Snape's father.  He got all huffy and said that Albert and Uncle Algie were nothing more than completely professional."

"Yeah, well, he would say that."

"Lily … think.  You're hardly unbiased … I don't believe that Snape's a good influence on you."

"Nancy—"  Lily took a deep breath and abandoned her anger.  "He's all I have."

"You have me," Nancy said, "and James.  And those other idiot boys, too.  I think you'd have your mother, too, if you'd allow her to—"

"I don't want to talk about my mother."

"Whatever you want."  Nancy sipped her drink.  "You do what you think is best, Lily.  I'll be here when you need me."

"You mean, when it falls apart."

"You said it, Lily.  Please, don't be angry – there's no point."

"I'm not angry.  Not with you, anyway.  I just … don't know what to do."

"You keep going."

"I know.  But how?"

"I … don't know.  I think that's up to you."  Nancy stood up.  "I have to get back to the Ministry.  Owl me if you need anything.  Anything.  Frank might be putting in an appearance at the Quidditch try-outs tomorrow, and I'll be sending wedding invitations out in the next couple of weeks.  Mrs Longbottom wouldn't let me make you a bridesmaid, but I've invited a lot of Hogwarts students.  Including Snape, provided that Frank doesn't notice."

"Thankyou."  As they left the restaurant, Lily said, "I'm sorry I'm such a grump."

"It's okay.  I completely understand…"

"Really."

"You'd be amazed.  Are you staying in Diagon Alley now?"

"No, I'm Flooing back to Sirius' house.  We have one afternoon of practice left before the try-outs."

"Oh, well, with James coaching you, you'll be a shoo-in."

"Do you think it's all favouritism, then?" Lily asked miserably.

"I don't.  You can say this about those boys, they don't bother playing nasty games like that.  But people might talk."

***

Lily's heart was in her mouth as she watched thirty other Gryffindors arriving at the Standing Stones.  There were four openings on the team, and five other contenders for the position of Seeker.  All were younger and smaller than Lily, and she chewed on her lower lip as she watched them.  This was a terrible idea, she decided, and James was an idiot for ever thinking that she could be a Quidditch player.  He had already warned Lily that they were more likely to take younger students than a sixth year who would soon leave.  She wondered why he wanted her to try at all…

Lily sat in the shade with Remus and Peter to watch the play-offs for the other positions.  Peter was sketching Remus as he read Spectral Hounds of Dartmoor, shading the portrait darkly, and adding a full moon behind it.  Lily was impressed, and said so.  Remus scowled.

"That's a full moon," he said to Peter.

"Call it an alibi."

"That's not funny!"

"What's wrong with it, Remus?" Lily asked.

"It's – it's – creepy.  And I don't want people thinking that I – I sneak around – that I wander around on full moons."

Lily raised her eyebrows, wondering about this overreaction.  "But every other night of the month is all right?"

Remus relaxed and matched her light-hearted tone.  "I can't help it if Sirius likes to sleepwalk.  And if he wants to sleepwalk all the way down to the kitchens and teach the house elves to dance the can-can … well, I just wouldn't be a friend if I didn't go along to make sure he's all right."

"And to take photos for blackmail purposes," Peter added.  "Of course, supervising Padfoot is hungry work."

"So a few meringues aren't out of line."

"Or a small cake."

"Or a large cake."

"Or a small roast ox."

"Roast ox?" asked Lily.

"Okay, so we made that up."

The boys' jokes distracted her from her nervousness, so that she felt almost relaxed when the Seekers were called.  She and the five other contenders stood in a line as Sirius said, "All right, this is the drill.  We will release six Snitches, which will select a player and take on a colour.  You will chase, and hopefully catch, your Snitch – but yours alone.  You may have to fly in close proximity to the others, but anyone caught deliberately impeding another player is automatically disqualified.  This isn't Slytherin, people.  The first person to catch their Snitch makes the team."  He relaxed and added, "by the way, notice how I said, 'proximity'?  That's planning ahead and practicing in front of the mirror, that is."

Everyone laughed, and the atmosphere lightened.

The contenders mounted their brooms, leaving their wands on the ground, and hovered as James released the Snitches.  Lily's turned into a deep shade of green.  One of the other competitors, Undine Kremer, raised her eyebrows, but Lily ignored her.  She was more worried that the ball would be hard to see against the land, but she felt better after she noticed that one boy's Snitch was sky-blue.

"Take your marks," said James.  Brooms and Snitches rose higher into the air.  "Get set.  Go."

The Snitches moved an instant before he gave the signal, but Lily had anticipated this, and her world was reduced to the air, the broom and the Snitch.  The other students were nothing more than obstacles to dodge.  A detached part of her mind noted that one of the contenders hadn't even made it past the starting point, not seeing the initial movement of the Snitch.  But most of her attention was with her own ball, ducking and weaving as she followed it through the otherworldly flora of this dimension.

Oh, yes, she could do this.  All her doubts had fallen away; her broom was sensitive, and she was confident that she could handle it.  The Snitch swooped through the trees, and rose again.  Lily passed another student, caught in the limbs of a tree, as she flew out of the forest.

Upwards, squinting against the sunlight, listening to the shouts of spectators.  Along, towards a familiar-looking hollow: this was where the Snape residence was, in the 'real' world.  Then back, drawing ever closer to the elusive ball … a lake, an abrupt downward plunge.  Water streamed behind her, thrown up by the broom as it skimmed along the surface … upwards again, and the Snitch was only inches from her fingers … Lily leaned out, further, further …

She caught the Snitch moments before she landed in the lake, and her cry of triumph was interrupted by a mouthful of water.

Lily had to swim to retrieve her broom, ignoring the offers of help from excited spectators, many of whom had mounted their own brooms.

When she touched the ground, Lily found herself drawn into a vigorous hug.

"That," said Peter fervently, "was amazing."

Several others nodded.  Peter released her as James approached.  Lily straightened, pushing the hair out of her face.

"Congratulations," James said, smiling like a fool, "you're the first to catch the Snitch."

"I am?  But – I can't be!"  Looking around, Lily saw three of her rivals already on the ground.  Among them were Undine Kremer, and the boy who'd been caught in the tree.  Undine grinned at her, but the boy, Daniel O'Meary, scowled.

"Well of course she'd make the team," he said.  "She's James' girlfriend, isn't she?  He got her that broom, and he's been coaching her all summer-"

"Hey," said James, "firstly, she's not my girlfriend.  Secondly, this was a test of the flier, not the broom – and anyway, you have the same kind of broom.  And all I did was show her a couple of things and give her a place to practice."

"Anyway," added Remus, "I heard that your parents hired a professional coach for you."

"Yeah," muttered Daniel.

"Shows, too," said Sirius.  "You're loads better than last year.  Which is why I'm making you the reserve."

"My parents will kill me," Daniel mumbled, but he seemed happier.

His words, though, nagged at Lily, and at the barbecue that evening, she sought out James and separated him from the crowd.

"Great party, eh?" he said as they slipped away from the noise.  "Although I thought Aunt Sothis was going to have a heart-attack when all those other people showed up."

"Well, fifty Gryffindors consume an awful lot of food."  Not to mention Butterbeer.  She'd glimpsed stronger drinks here and there as well, and caught a whiff of certain herbs more known for their narcotic effects than magical properties.

"Yeah, but I'm paying."

"Yes, but … look, it's probably very stressful for her.  Think of the mess.  Think of the noise.  Think of the Muggles!"  Every partygoer had already been forced to turn their wands over to Mrs Black, who was understandably worried about underage magic being detected on her property.

"Why are you taking me out this far?" James asked as Lily led him down the lane towards the nearby Muggle farms.  "Or are you planning to have your wicked way with me?"

"Of course not!"

"Again, my hopes are dashed.  Here."  James led her into a soft, dark corner behind a hedge.  "But seriously," he went on, "are things still okay with your mysterious man of unknown identity?  If that is his real name…"

"Of course," said Lily, suddenly unable to laugh.  "Why wouldn't they be?"

"I don't know … you just looked awfully strange a few weeks ago.  Like someone had died.  Or like some git had left you crying in the library.  And your family was so strange when I came to visit…"  He moved to take her hand, but she pulled away.  "I just … I want you to be okay."

"I'm fine.  I just – got some news, and had a fight with Mum…"

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."  Lily leaned back.  The twigs and leaves poking into her back provided a welcome distraction from James' compelling presence beside her.  "Look, this isn't what I came out here to discuss.  And hiding in hedges is completely unnecessary."

"Don't be ridiculous.  You're not a proper Gryffindor unless you've spent some time hiding in a hedge.  Just be grateful that there are no irate Hogsmeade villagers hunting for you with wands in their hands."

Lily decided it was better not to pursue that, and explained what Nancy had said, and reminded him of Daniel's comments earlier.

"Hey." This time, she didn't pull back when he took her hand.  "Daniel O'Meary's only in it because his parents want him to be on the team.  They paid a lot of money for a coach and a broom, and now he's got to go home and explain how he lost to a Muggle-born witch.  He's just rehearsing his excuses … really, he's not even good enough to be a reserve.  Sirius just felt sorry for him.

"As for the rest of the school – let them say what they want.  They'll change their tune after the first game."

Lily laughed.  "Thanks."

"Any time."  For a second, she thought that he was going to kiss her, or she him.  But she moved, and he stood up, saying, "Well, if you're not going to ravish me, I suppose we'd better get back."

Despite her irritation that he'd flirt with her when he knew she was otherwise involved, Lily found herself giggling as they walked.  "Hinting won't get you anywhere, you know."

"So … you won't tie me up with your pantyhose and laugh an evil laugh as I scream?"

Lily blushed and stammered, "No."

"Are you even wearing pantyhose?"

"James!"

"What is pantyhose, anyway?"

Lily abandoned her outrage and started laughing.  "I thought your dad was an expert in all things Muggle!"

Lily couldn't see in the dark, but she suspected that James' ears were red.  In a choked voice, he said, "I don't think it extended to women's underwear!"

Frank, Nancy and a group of other former seventh-years had joined the party in their absence.  Nancy drifted over to Lily, handed her a drink and led her into a private corner of the garden.

"I'm guessing that tête-à-tête wasn't really what it looked like?"

Lily groaned.  "Of course not.  Why, were people talking?"

"Not really.  But still, it was careless.  You certainly don't make life easier for yourself, do you?"

"I'm an idiot."

"Impetuous, maybe."  Nancy gave Lily a hug.  "Look – it's not like Severus would be at this party, unless you have a ritual sacrifice planned.  And there have been rumours about you and James for months – a few more won't matter."  She regarded Lily with amusement.  "Although I'd advise you to remove those leaves from your hair."

Lily obeyed.  "How do I look?"

"Bedraggled and excited, like anyone who just made their house team by falling into a lake.  Congratulations, by the way."

"Oh.  Thankyou."

The boys approached.  "Come and dance," James called.  "Sirius found his dad's old Elvis records, and half of these kids haven't even heard of rock 'n' roll!"

Lily allowed herself to be drawn out of the shadows.  "Can you dance?"

"Not for long.  I think someone's spiked the punch."

"Your mother's going to murder you, Sirius," said Remus lightly.

"Dance with me, Lily," said Peter, "I'm a great dancer."

"It's only because he's short," said Sirius.  "Less leg to trip over."

"Lily'll make up for that," said Remus.

"What are you looking at her legs for?"

Lily groaned, and led Peter to the makeshift dance floor.  He was a good dancer, she found, although people smiled at the considerable height difference between them.  He was easily the best dancer of the group.  Sirius told so many jokes that she couldn't move for laughter; watching him dance with another girl later, Lily realised it was his way of disguising his complete lack of rhythm.  She managed to avoid James all together.

Lily slipped away from the group around midnight, seeking a corner where she could rest her feet in peace.  She had a nasty suspicion that she'd ended up with a glass of the suspect punch, and she felt as though she were moving underwater.  Inside, James had started playing the Blacks' battered old piano, hammering at the keys with a relish that hurt her heart when she compared him to Severus.  She wanted Snape to be like that, willing to show off his talent and have fun with it, instead of hiding it away and letting it become tainted by grief.

She was imagining the look Severus would give her if she proposed that he play duets with James, when she heard quiet voices.  She was about to move away, not wanting to interrupt a tryst, but then she recognised Sirius' voice, and froze.

"Did you read it?"

"Yeah…" That was Remus, she realised.

"And…?"

"Look, I don't know."

"It'll be nothing.  We've done worse – remember in fourth year, when we snuck into his dorm and hid a Boggart in his trunk?  That was your idea."

"How can you say that's worse than this?"  Lily had never seen Remus in a temper before, but she was sure that he was furious now, despite the detached tone of his voice.

"It'll be funny."

"For you, maybe.  But I'm the one who'll be – what if he gets hurt?"

"Look, he won't get hurt.  Padfoot will be there, and we can send Wormtail for help if anything gets out of hand."

"So you admit that things could get out of hand."  Remus took a deep breath.  "What about James, anyway?"

"He'll be in on it, too.  Just – look, let me work it all out before I talk to him.  He's got other things on his mind."

"Other people, maybe."  Now Remus was amused.  "You need a girlfriend, Sirius.  You'd have better things to think about than trying to get Snape killed."

"He won't get killed."

"You can't promise that."  Remus's voice was quiet again.  "You can't promise anything.  We've had too many near-misses already, and this – I don't care how many legends his family has about the Grim, or how funny it will be when he thinks that a spectral hound has saved him from a—" Remus broke off.  "Don't, all right?  I don't even want to discuss it."

No one spoke for several minutes.  Lily held her breath.

"All right," said Sirius at last.

Relieved that there was no longer any threat against Severus' safety, Lily returned to the party, grateful for Remus' cooler head.

In the end, the party ran until one in the morning, when tired students began Flooing, Portkeying or, in a few cases, Apparating home.  Lily accepted Sirius' offer of a place on the couch, collapsing gratefully, her mind whirling.

An hour later, she couldn't sleep, unable to shake an unwanted thought from her mind.  She rose and made her way up to James' room.

"James?" she whispered.  "James!  Wake up!"

He stirred, squinting up at her.  "If you've changed your mind about ravishing me," he said, "it'll have to wait until tomorrow.  Whatever was in the punch, it didn't agree with me."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you had six glasses of it."

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Please don't lecture me while the room is spinning."  He rubbed his eyes.  "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"I came to ask you a question."

"Ask away.  I doubt I'll remember in the morning."

"You said something earlier about your father not making a study of Muggle women's undergarments, but that's not strictly true, is it?  He had Muggle lovers."

James winced, saying, "So I've been told, but I doubt he was collecting their unmentionables."

"If he had an illegitimate child, would it be obvious?  I mean, is there a family birthmark or anything?"  The Snape family, she had discovered, charmed a brand into its offspring, a coiled serpent that rose into an S.

"Nah.  Only the really crazy families go in for that.  We've all been dark and shortsighted for the last few generations, though.  My great-great-great-grandmother was a Fletcher, and they used magic to make the features hereditary."  He closed his eyes, and Lily thought he had gone back to sleep, when he asked, "why?"

"Nothing."

"By all accounts, there hasn't ever been an illegitimacy in the family.  We have a few big name sorcerers in the family.  It's not the kind of blood you mix lightly.  If you were wondering."  His hand found hers and he added, "would this be the source of your fight with your mum?"

"Yeah."  Lily found that she couldn't say anymore. A tear trickled down her cheek.

"I'm sorry."

"So was I."

"Do you want to stay here tonight?"  He must have sensed her discomfort, because he amended it to, "not like that.  Just … for company."

"No.  I shouldn't."

"I guess."  They were silent together for a long time.  Then he said, "Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Your boyfriend … who is he?"

She said nothing, simply watching him in the darkness.  She couldn't tell him; he'd never forgive her … but then, surely she owed him honesty?  And perhaps knowing would help him understand the boundaries she tried to set…

Lily opened her mouth, but a quiet snore told her that he wouldn't be listening.  With a rueful smile, she kissed his cheek and let herself out.

As she returned downstairs, she encountered Peter as he left the bathroom, on his way back to the spare room that he shared with Remus.  He gave her an amused, almost approving look, which she pointedly ignored.

***

A week before school began, Lily accompanied the boys to Diagon Alley to get their school supplies.  After they'd managed to find everything, from The Standard Book of Spells, grade 6 to Intermediate Arithmancy: and you thought you could live without trigonometry, James took Lily aside and said, "Can you keep Sirius occupied while we buy his birthday present?"

"Not a problem."

Lily feigned an interest in a display of Muggle artefacts in the Ministry of Magic Museum, while Sirius excitedly examined toy cars and old televisions.  She'd meant to keep him there for half an hour, but the ignorance and biases in the museum notes were making her angry.

Sirius noticed her irritation and cut short his examination of a motorcycle.  "You want to go?"

"Yes," said Lily fervently.

"Gets a bit much doesn't it," he said as they emerged into the wide, white space of Politick Alley.

"The anti-Muggle propaganda?  I don't see that much of it, really.  But yes, it does make me angry."

"Yeah.  I have to cop it from both sides, since my Muggle relatives hate magic, and the wizards hate Muggles.  But they're just people.  Official prejudice makes me so – so – I just want to sit the Minister down and yell at him for a bit."

Lily bit her lip to keep from smiling.  "That might be nice," she said neutrally.

"And then I'd hit him."

"Well, I wouldn't go that far."

"Oh, I would.  Punch him in the nose, and then turn his ears into turnips.  Embrace both sides of my heritage, you know."

"That's lovely," said Lily, deadpan.  As they turned into Diagon Alley, she asked, "so why do your Muggle relatives hate magic, anyway?  How do they even know to hate magic?"

"Well," said Sirius, sitting down on a stairway, his arms resting over the banisters, "it's all Snape's fault, basically.  Some of my Muggle ancestors were accused of witchcraft in one of the Muggle witch-hunts.  And Snape's family supported the accusations, since it took attention away from their slimy family … actually, I think it was his mother's family.  Anyway, everyone knew who the real witches were, but not one was brave enough to say anything."  They stood up and began walking again.  Lily was amused to note that Sirius had never mentioned the minor detail of being related to Snape.  "So a bunch of my Muggle relatives died, and the family has hated all things magical ever since."

"Is that why you hate Severus, then?"

"Hell no!  How petty do you think I am?  I hate Snape because he's a creepy, slimy sadist who knows more about the Dark Arts than a respectable person should.  And because he's got greasy hair and a big nose."

"And that's not petty at all."

"'Course not.  I'm above that sort of thing.  Anyway, since when are you on a first name basis with Snape?"

Lily froze, cursing her carelessness.  Her mind was racing through excuses and explanations, when Sirius added, "speak of the devil…"

Severus and Marguerite were emerging from Knockturn Alley, and turning towards them.  Severus flinched as his eyes met hers; Lily felt as though she were suddenly naked.  Marguerite smiled slightly as she saw Lily, but faltered when she saw Sirius.

"Evans," said Severus coolly, "Black."

"Snape."  Sirius swallowed.  "Marguerite.

"Black."  Marguerite's eyes sparkled with challenge.  "Mudblood."

"You--!"  Sirius grabbed his wand, but Lily held him back.

"Don't," she said, "not out here – you'll be in so much trouble – it doesn't matter, not really—"

Sirius subsided.  Severus and Marguerite exchanged a look.  Marguerite was amused, but Severus looked furious.  They moved on in silence.

Beyond them, Lily saw James.  He must have seen the whole exchange.  He gave Lily a speculative look that made her shiver.

***

Lily was packing, the night before she went back to school, when Mr Evans knocked at her door.

"Ready to talk, pumpkin?" he asked.  They had barely spoken for weeks.

"Not really."

"Let's say I'm not giving you a choice."  He had rarely been the disciplining force in her childhood, but when he spoke, Lily obeyed.  She sat down and let the silence expand between them.

"You should talk to your mother," he said finally.

"Why?"

"She misses you."

"So?  She betrayed me.  Betrayed you, too.  I don't see how you can take her part."

"Because I love her.  And I love you, too.  And because this is eating her alive, you ungrateful little wretch!"  He hardly ever raised his voice, and now he paused to calm down.  "We have made sacrifices for you," he said finally, "we sent you to that school with no idea of what to expect … we lied to everyone for you.  I don't think you appreciate the sacrifices we've made over the last five or six years."

"I thought you were proud that I was a witch," Lily whispered.

"I am.  We are.  You're a very special girl, Lily, and we all love you.  But lately … we've all been in pain, and you've been too busy running around with your friends to notice or care."

"I've been in pain, too," Lily snapped.  "Mum just ripped me apart, and I don't see how you can just expect me to forgive him."

"Do you hate her, then?"

"No."

"Then forgive her."

"I don't even know what to say to her," she mumbled.

"Think on it for a while."  He touched her hair.  "In every way that matters, you're mine.  Don't forget that."

Lily curled herself up into a ball, hot tears on her cheeks, and wondered what to say next.

Later that night, she slipped down to the kitchen, where her mother was reading.  Mrs Evans looked up with a small frown.

"All set for school?"

"Yes."

"Good, then."

Lily sat down at the kitchen table.

"You said that you don't remember much about my real father," she said slowly.  "Is it possible … have you ever thought that you might be under a Memory Charm?"

"There's not a lot about that time that I care to remember, Lily."

"But even if you try, you can't recall, can you?  It's blocked out."

"Some things, yes."

Lily handed her mother the fifth year Charms textbook, open to the chapter on Memory Charms.  "Read this," she said.  "It might not be your fault that you can't remember.  It might not be your fault at all…"

Her mother looked unhappy.  "I wish that you could recognise and forgive my actions, instead of denying my responsibility," she said.

"It wasn't your fault."

Mrs Evans stared, unseeing, at the book. "I think that your attitude is … somewhat immature.  Taking responsibility for one's actions is part of growing up.  Learning not to run away."

"It wasn't your fault," said Lily through gritted teeth.

"It bloody well was."  Mrs Evans threw the book back at Lily, who caught it, shocked.  "He had green eyes.  He looked about ten years older than me, but sometimes it seemed to be more.  He had a rather peculiar sense of humour, and he disliked music.  In fact, he disliked most modern things … he was an antiquarian, and rather snobbish.  Now how, if I were under a Memory Charm, would I remember all that?"

"What was his name?"

"I don't remember.  I don't care to remember."

"But he was—"

"I know what he was.  I don't remember his name.  Nor do I recall the name of my Second Form French teacher, or the girl who stole my date at a local dance.  Your father has trouble remembering my middle name, and we've been married for twenty-two years.  Memory is a strange thing, Lily.  And not everything in your life is magical."

Lily stared at a knot of wood on the table.  "There has to be more to it than that.  I'm quite sure he was a wizard.  In fact, I'm certain of it."  She explained her Sorting, and the restrictions on entry to Slytherin House.

"Maybe he was a wizard, then.  He had a certain eccentricity, which puts me in mind of James or Sirius.  But then, maybe he wasn't.  It could just as easily have been my father."

"I guess."

Mrs Evans' hand cautiously brushed Lily's.  "I'm sorry.  I had thought that you were ready for this.  And … having lied to you for so long, I was afraid that you'd never forgive me if I kept it to myself any longer.  It was … rather selfish of me."

"It was."  Slowly, Lily squeezed her mother's hand.  "But it will be all right."

***

Platform Nine and Three Quarters felt oddly empty when Lily emerged from the barrier.  Students stood in clumps and groups, but their numbers were visibly diminished.  There was an unfamiliar element in the atmosphere: fear.

"How many students were lost in the Iron Nick Alley Massacre?" she quietly asked James.

"The Ministry won't say.  I reckon there were other deaths, though.  The Daily Prophet hardly says anything."

Lily shuddered and moved to help a scared-looking Muggle-born girl find a spare compartment.  The girl introduced herself as Delia Holman, and Lily quickly became familiar with her life story, her excitement at receiving her Hogwarts letter, and her concern for the pets she'd left behind.  Despite the relentless flow of nervous chatter, Lily decided that she liked the little girl, who was at least smart and articulate, if talkative.

"Are the compartments allocated?" Delia asked, "what if I'm taking someone else's place?  What if no one talks to me?"

"Of course they'll talk to you."  Lily flagged a passing boy, another first year, if the fresh, new look of his robes as anything to go by.  "Do you need a compartment?" she asked.

The boy, a lanky redhead with a likeable, freckled face, said, "What?  I guess so…"

His parents, carefully levitating his trunk through the crowds, looked grateful.  A younger brother looked on enviously as they got the eldest boy settled.  "Wish I was going," Lily heard him tell his brother.

The mother, Lily noticed, was pregnant with a third child, a brave woman indeed.  The whole family had red hair like Lily's, and she found herself examining them for other points of resemblance.  She found none, and the father was too young, anyway.

By the time she had the newcomers settled in the abnormally quiet train, Lily had to rush to get to the prefects' compartments.  To her horror, she found James sharing a compartment with Severus and Marguerite.  There was a worryingly smug grin on his face, and the Slytherins were already scowling.  Lily steeled herself to play peacemaker, as far as her frayed allegiances would allow.  Severus had promised that things should change…?

Marguerite smiled slightly, and Lily remembered that things had changed: they were far more complicated now.

"So," said James cheerfully as the train began to pull out from the station, "how was your summer, Severus?"

"Fine," Severus spat.

"Excellent, excellent.  How's the family?"

Severus' eyes flicked to Lily, and away.  He stood up.  "Let's go, Marguerite.  We'll find another compartment."

"And we were getting along so well," said James, sighing and shaking his head.

Severus looked murderous, and Lily was ready to hex James herself, when the compartment door opened.

"Hullo, hullo," said the newcomer, a seventh-year Ravenclaw.  He had been a particularly vocal, irritating presence in meetings last year, and Lily was dismayed to see the Head Boy badge pinned to his robes.  "Everyone getting along?  No inter-House rivalries, I hope, we're all prefects here."

Severus glared at James.  "No.  No inter-House rivalries here."

"None at all," James snarled.

"Excellent, excellent."

"Lockhart," said Lily carefully, "do you know where all the students have gone?"

"Students?"

"The people who weren't at the station.  Moynihan, Bucket, Dellabosca, Jelly … haven't you noticed that we've lost forty students?"

"Yeah," said James, reeling off more names.  Even Marguerite and Severus could name missing students.  Lockhart seemed unimpressed by the litany.

"What are we to tell the other students?" Lily asked.

"Tell them?"

"The loss of five percent of the student population will hardly go unnoticed," Severus said.

"Tell them that the Ministry has a dangerous situation well in hand."  They all watched, speechless, as Lockhart tossed his lank, dull-brown hair, revealed several rotten teeth in a wide smile, and departed.

"Prat," said James.

"Indeed," said Severus.

Lily concealed a smile, while Marguerite suddenly became very interested in her book.

They rode the rest of the way in silence.

***

The first week of term was always a difficult one, as students adjusted to new classes, new timetables and, sometimes, whole new corridors that literally sprang up overnight.

"Who designed this castle?" demanded Bill Weasley as Lily pulled him out of the trick step.  "Salazar Slytherin's pet monkey?"

"His pet rock!" cried Delia.

"Muggles have pet rocks, too?  How do you train them, without a wand?"

Lily smiled as she watched them go.  Life was so simple for first years.

Her own life was unpleasantly complicated.  Marguerite's persecution was echoed by the other Slytherins.  Mixed with the increasingly lurid rumours about her and James, which were pounced upon by the Slytherins, Lily's life became unbearable.  She didn't enjoy being the subject of gossip, or hearing Geraldine and Mary cease talking as she approached.  They watched her with cool, speculative eyes and whispered behind their hands in the dorm.

Severus did nothing to stop his friends' persecution, and Lily wondered bitterly why she had even expected him to do so.  Oh, he had promised changes, but nothing ever happened…

Making her way down to he library, on the first Friday night of term, she mentally rehearsed her litany of complaints: about Severus himself, about his friends, the school at large, and the boys, who seemed to get sillier every day.

The library was dark, illuminated only by the gleaming of the full moon through the large, stained glass windows.  For a moment, Lily thought she saw the tall figure of an unfamiliar man disappear into the stacks.  She froze, but nothing moved again.

"Lumos."  The light from Severus' wand revealed him standing by the entrance to the Restricted Section, on the other side of the library.  "Going to spend all night standing in the dark?" he asked.

"Are you?"  He laughed, and it echoed through the room.  "Quiet," Lily whispered, "what if Filch sees?"  He nodded, and they made their way up to the second floor in silence.  Lily frowned as she watched Severus ascend the staircase.  "You're limping."

"I told you that I said a few things to Lucius?"

"I remember."

"Word gets around.  Avery has a low opinion of those who abandon the Apprenticeship."

In their private corner, Lily peeled his clothes off and examined the mass of scratches and cuts down his left side.

"I don't know the curse that did this."

"You don't have to know it.  Just heal me.  I can't do it myself."

"Is that part of the spell?"

"Oh yes…"  He broke off as the healing charms worked, knitting flesh and skin.  It was a painful process, and he didn't relax until it was over.  Lily kissed his newly healed shoulder, moving to his collarbone and up to his sensitive ears.  He sighed and pulled her against him, and the trials of school were forgotten for a time.

Afterwards, cooling in a tangle of limbs and discarded clothes, Lily said, "It feels strange, doing this at school."

"Strange?  How?"

"I don't know.  Just … we're supposed to be children here."

"You and I—" he punctuated his words with lazy circles on her inner arm, "are not children."

"No. I suppose not."

"Although if rumour is to be believed, you're really a Knockturn Alley harlot who infiltrated Hogwarts to sow discord in the Gryffindor Quidditch team.  Which is, of course, the most significant organisation within the school."

Lily scowled.  "I hate these rumours.  I can't stand the things people are saying about me."

"I'd certainly prefer not to hear graphic speculation about your relationship with Potter and Black."

"Not that you'd do anything to stand up for me."

"Of course not."

Lily sat up, stared at him in disbelief, and then walked away, pulling her nightgown on as she went.  Severus caught her near the entrance of the library.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Yes, you did.  You haven't exactly tried to stop Marguerite from being a sadistic cow, either."

"One may as well attempt to hold back the tides," he murmured.  "I'm in a dangerous position, Lily.  I've already made one sacrifice for you, and you saw the consequences.  Thanks to Lucius, my friends believe that I've rejected the Apprenticeship for a Muggle-born.  What do you think they'll do if they know who that girl is?"

Lily wrapped her arms around him, resting her hands on the waistband of his pants.  "It's just so hard to hear what people are saying about me… I wish I had girl friends."

"Don't let them see your weakness," he whispered.  "Keep you head up and walk as if you own the school.  They can't touch you if they can't see what you're thinking."

Their slow, sweet kiss was interrupted by the sound of running, and the crash of the library doors.

"Lily!"

Peter looked shocked and faintly sick; Sirius, removing the Invisibility Cloak, was merely angry.

"We thought – we thought—"

"You might have been in trouble—"

"We have this map…"  Peter waved a piece of parchment vaguely as the doors opened again.

James' eyes were cool, and there was fury in his voice as he said, "I knew it."
 
 

To be continued

Next month: the stag is a highly territorial animal.  I am, however, temporarily distracted by a future-fic, which will hopefully be posted on Feb 28.  (laughs, yeah right)  So chapter 16 might be late.  Sorry.
 

Notes and Credits:

Special thanks, as always, to my intrepid betas, Jerie, Melina and Sarah.

Chapter title: paraphrased from "Breathless" by Texas: "I'll fall, but I'll heal".

Roast ox: I'm quite sure I wrote that section before I saw the FotR commentaries, but I might be wrong, because that exchange is reminiscent of the Hobbits'.  Come to think of it, MWPP might look good in furry feet…

"Moynihan, Bucket, Dellabosca, Jelly…"  Australian readers might note that these missing students ended up in the coastal paradise of Pearl Bay.  Which is to say, I stole the names from SeaChange.
 

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