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Someone Else's Fault
NOTES: Written for Blame Someone Else Day 2003 (I think). McTabby gave us bunnies. We had to write them. Mine was Lily/Petunia. *eyespork*
It was, to say the least, embarrassing. Sure, any man would have a few fantasies about his girlfriend. Especially a girlfriend as-unattainable-as Petunia. ("Men have needs," he'd said on the last attempt, and followed it up with a renewed declaration of love and a reminder that he'd bought her a ring, and what kind of fellow would go back on that? Petunia had said no, with a brittle frostiness that implied he wouldn't even be allowed a caress that night.) Anyone would want his girlfriend. Fiancee. That was normal. The insistent, intrusive thoughts about his girlfriend and her sister were - less welcome. In fact, Vernon thought, they were downright embarrassing, having first presented themselves at a family dinner party - well, the family and Lily's nasty, smirking boyfriends. It was no wonder that a girl like that would seem willing to do anything, even if only in his mind - look at the way she had that crowd of boys hanging round, instead of giggling girlfriends, like Petunia. Lord knew what kind of freakish stuff they got up to at that school of theirs - oh yes, Petunia had shared a few secrets there. A girl like that just had no self-respect - though she wasn't even pretty, being gangly and clumsy - he knew what those boys would see in her. Lily was brave. She was up for anything. It occurred to Vernon as he drove back to his flat that this wasn't the line of thought to be encouraging if he wanted the unwanted - ideas - to stop. "Ruddy embarrassing," he muttered, and went to pour himself a beer and watch the telly for a few hours. It took several beers and quite a lot of television to chase the - thoughts - images - hallucinatory sensations - away. And even the next day, when his insistent hangover had thoroughly demolished all fantasies, he couldn't quite think of Petunia without adding Lily into the mix. *** Driving through London, on his way to work, he thought he caught a glimpse of Potter, clad in the most extraordinary clothing and disappearing into a pub - at his age. Vernon almost called out, but thought better of it; still, Potter caught his eye. He winked and blew a kiss. Vernon sputtered, hit the accelerator and promptly rear-ended the car in front of him. *** "That was cruel," said Sirius, watching through the window of the Leaky Cauldron. He didn't sound particularly disapproving - more envious that he hadn't thought of it. "Maybe we went a bit far," said James. Unlike his friend, he had some small semblance of a conscience, and while he didn't give a fig for the welfare of a greasy lump like Dursley, he did like Lily's parents. And Lily. And despite himself, he was feeling rather bad about Dursley; his face had become positively predatory by the end of last night's dinner, and Lily had quietly retreated. "Maybe we added too much peppermint to the potion." "It was fine." "Love potions are illegal, anyway. Especially on Muggles." "So … we're not going ahead with the next one?" Sirius' face was so disappointed that James relented. "We'll do it. The second school goes back. But we're not involving Lily - not with Snape." "Who said anything about Lily?" Sirius grinned in a way that made nearby witches blush, and wizards bristle. He drew a small bottle from his robes, opening it so that James could see the inky fluid inside. "Moony and I harvested this before school finished. Knew it would come in handy eventually. The giant squid won't know what hit it. And more importantly, neither will Snape."
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