Title: The Other Way Season 18 Could Have Ended
Summary: AU in which the Doctor and Romana do return to Gallifrey, and then leave again, with Leela in tow.
Notes: Crack. Crack, crackedy crack.  Also, originally written as commentfic for Vali, so, short.

The Other Way Season 18 Could Have Ended
by LizBee



The Doctor stumbled into the console room, looking not unlike a tramp, or possibly a university lecturer, adrift in a sea of wool and curls.

"It's not fair, K9," he said to his robot dog, who had -- in light of recent developments on the domestic front -- just been promoted to the position of Man's Best Friend.

"Query, Master?"

"You show a girl the universe, you offer her all of time and space -- oh, you might end up bringing her home against her will, but that all works out, and they'll drop the charges in the next century or so -- where do you end up? Cast aside. CAST ASIDE," he repeated it for the benefit of anyone else who might be listening, projected right to the back of the room TARDIS, "like last year's script editor." He brooded, manfully. "When I told Romana we should have an open relationship, this was not what I meant. K9, is there meant to be smoke coming out of your head?"

"Empathy circuits overloaded, Master. Now de-activating embarrassment squick," said K9. There was a whir followed by a click. "You may continue with your reminiscences."

"What I need," said the Doctor, "is a nice, dim Earth girl who won't answer back.  A shopgirl, maybe, or a university student who's easily impressed by claims of godhood."  He chose to forget that time Leela had been raised to see him as a god, because look how that worked out.  Maybe he could come up with a clever new twist on the 'eternal traveler' schtick.  But no, surely he couldn't fake Gallifrey's death ... could he?  The future, which had previously looked strangely beige, was looking brighter, faster-paced and sexier.  "K9," said the Doctor, "set co-ordinates for twenty-first century London."

There was a brief pause while K9 switched off his continuity sensors and characterisation consistency gauges. Then the TARDIS vanished in a wave of wheezing, grinding noises and they were off on a great new adventure, coming soon to BBC1.


end