For the record, if I've noted that something is mine and not JKR's and for some bizarre reason someone would like to cite or use a device, it may be done with the following conditions: you cite me and provide a link to Chaos (or BNW or whichever) in your footnotes, and drop me a comment in the LJ to let me know you've used it, and where it can be found. Using one or two devices is different from writing a sequel or epilogues, however, which would defeat some very important concepts and points of Chaos, so I'd prefer that no one "continue" the story (except in their imaginations, if they wish).

CHAPTER 1
"Chaos is Come Again": temporary title, I hope -- from Othello III, 3: "...and when I love thee not, Chaos is come again." It's not an exact parallel with Snape and Hermione (Snape's more the Iago type, don't you think?), but rather a descriptor of the current situation in the WW. (Not with eros, but agape.)

Pureblood/Mixed Blood/Muggleborn: Pureblood is, of course, “Pure” wizard (although according to Hagrid, there really isn't such a thing any longer, so it's more like “wizards who have a certain set proportion of wizarding blood”). Mixed bloods are those who have more Muggle blood than the above Pureblood standard, not necessarily just one parent of each. Muggleborns are, of course, wizards or witches born to totally non-magical parent. In this version of the Potterverse, a “mixed union” may be a marriage between a Pureblood and either Mixed or Muggleborn.

The Resort is based on the spa at Saint-Gervais although it is, of course, a wizarding spa. I imagine that it's a fairly modern building (post-1892), as there was a flood in that year that took out many of the villages and buildings along the gorge -- caused by a hidden lake within the glacier which burst, and caused damage of Johnstown, PA, proportions. I don't think even a wizarding building could survive that. And thank you, PBS and Nature, for yet another interesting and timely presentation of (for me) exotic locales.

in re: Chuck Anderson, Obnoxious American:

Dusselbum: "Dumbass." Mix of German and Brit slang.

Hermione's nature and character: I obviously think she has the potential to be pretty screwed up emotionally. While as of OotP Harry seems at the mercy of his emotions, she might go the other way, shut her emotions down, rely on her intellect and reasoning alone. The situation with Umbridge, for example, is particularly ruthless -- but of course JKR sets us up to hate Umbridge so much that many of us think Hermione's actions are excusable. I don't, in that there are implications for people other than herself (namely the centaurs -- what happens if Umbridge sics the Ministry on them? Bet McNair would love that).

ON TO CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 2
the hexing Fall Term: stay tuned.

ON TO CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 3
wife's duty to obey and submit: don't laugh. It not only existed as the standard belief in our own society in the past, but still does: the idea of a woman having sole say and control over how her body is used is a fairly recent one. (I'm thinking purely legally, here, not religiously.) Law enforcement and the courts have only recently (in the last ten to twenty years or so) begun to acknowledge, for example, that rape can occur in marriage, and that it's not a husband's "right" to demand sex and to force or coerce it if it's not forthcoming. This is a rather nasty point, because it violates all our society's current ideals of marriage being a loving and cooperative partnership: but in fact there are spouses (I won't say only wives) who have to submit to what some might well describe as legally-sanctioned prostitution, despite the wedding industry's best efforts to persuade us that marriage is all hearts and flowers and romance. As with almost everything, there is a great divide between what is morally right and acceptable and what is legally allowed and tolerated, and a power struggle between the participants is often involved with sex as a prominent issue. Bear this point in mind in the context of the story.

Snape's abhorrence of rape, and his rage at Hermione trying to play that card: this is undoubtedly due to my unease with the use of rape as a plot point. I admit it. There are fics in which it's sensitively treated and explored, and I'm not saying it shouldn't be used; but I don't think it's anything to muck about with unless you're willing to treat the problem with the respect it deserves. Fics that assume love is a natural or easy potential progression after a rape-- whether the love interest is the rapist, or not -- really, really piss me off.

The above point brings up an interesting question: is this fic a non-con? Emotionally, certainly. Is it balanced by Hermione's utter disregard for Snape's wishes and well-being? That's your call, not mine. He is not altruistic enough to simply dismiss the matter and to refuse to participate in her plot: she's an adult, she's tried to take advantage of him (from his POV), and he offers what he considers to be a reasonable "out." The fact that Hermione values her standing in the Ministry more than her worth as a human being is, in a very real sense, her problem, not his -- we are, each of us, personally responsible for the state of our own souls, no one else. If we choose to take the easy way out of something we've gotten into because of our own bad decisions -- and I stress bad decisions, not ignorance or mischance -- then we need to accept the consequences. This is an extremely murky and treacherous grey area, but then that's the type of situation I prefer to explore: I'm not trying to making a judgement call in either direction as to whether either Hermione or Snape are more right. (Although, in fact, I think they're equally wrong.)

ON TO CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 4
Yes, the Beatles reference is very, very bad. I'm not one of those who thinks the WW has assimilated any Muggle music past 1900, and even if it has I doubt Snape would be aware of Muggle popular music.

the alarm-clock incident is not for comic relief only, believe it or not.

the Aga episode and any runing jokes thereafter are solely for comic relief. Sorry.

Snape's view of Dumbledore: I really don't know where JKR is going with Dumbledore, but I'm having great trouble reconciling everything we've hitherto been fed about him with his behavior at the end of OotP. The almost servile way he deals with Harry during Harry's hissy fit... it strikes me as being insincere, given the many shades of gray that JKR is introducing into the series. More Slytherin than a Slytherin, if you get my drift.

ON TO CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 5
Left-over curry + alien life form = very bad and obscure Red Dwarf reference. (Be grateful I haven't yet found a way to reference Mrs Slocombe's pussy in conjunction with McGonagall, yet.)

Those who got the small carriage/isenglass curtains reference are officially permitted to thwap me. But at least I didn't put fringe on the top.

Thanks to for a comment on her LJ, which reminded be of how absolutely bloody annoying it is when people -- especially ones who don't have a vested interest in having grandchildren or nieces and nephews - insist on asking you when you're going to have children.

Merlin's Scholars: mine, not JKR's. Like scholarship students in British public schools. Yes, I'm stealing things from my own "canon."

Yes, I know Waterloo International is the current London Eurostar stop -- but St. Pancras is expected to become the terminus in 2006. (St. Pancras, BTW, is next to King's Cross....)

Hermione's comments about suppression of the media: I've got a personal axe to grind, here, and I'll admit it. For example, US policy for the past 30 - 40 years has banned television media from showing body bags and caskets arriving home from overseas as too “disturbing” and in the interest of sensitivity to the families. In reality, those images -- many of them simply flag-draped caskets -- make the casualty numbers more concrete and visual, and it's assumed that public discontent with military actions will grow if they see this kind of coverage. I think it's one thing to censor the media before certain actions (such as a valid, classified military action, as was done in WWII with the collusion/consent of the media), and another thing entirely to try to keep the population ignorant of the consequences and real costs of war, and I deeply resent that I have to watch foreign news services to get far less biased and more realistic accounts. To be fair to the DoD, this is a policy that all presidents have either supported or failed to dispense with. (Some media corporations get around this by airing the names of the dead as they're released to the public.)

Bill Tallchief: well, I needed to explain how Hermione knew a Native-American shaman, didn't I? And the name is obviously from ballerina Maria Tallchief. First “authentic” Native-American surname that popped into my head.

No points awarded for the physical-characteristics reference to another fictional character in the last episode. Too blatant to those in the know.

ON TO CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 6
Isolationist Movement: probably too late to explain this, but here goes. Friend (I think) mentioned to me that he believed the Death Eaters were more along the lines of a small, violent minority than a well-established political majority group, and voila, I came up with the idea of the Death Eaters being a violent faction within the Pureblood Isolationist Movement for The Potions Master's Life. (In that, Voldemort is leader of the [hypothetically] politically valid Isolationist Movement, and forms the Death Eaters in response to the more moderate Ministry rejecting Isolationist concerns -- on the surface, at least, while trying to fulfill his own agenda. Like any society, then, you have Purebloods as a subset of the whole; Purebloods who accept Mixedbloods; Purebloods who don't, but simply shun on a social basis; Pureblood Isolationists who advocate kicking Mixedbloods out, but not violently; and the violent faction within that, the Death Eaters.) Time for the Venn Diagram, I guess....

What the hell happened to Snape in February of Harry and Hermione's Seventh Year?: You got me. Looks to be nasty, though. The knee and hip problems are a separate matter.

Pomfrey's reference to 'she': stay tuned. *smacks Pomfrey for introducing another damned plot bunny*

Arithmancy, Third Operations, Physical and Temporal Equations and explanations of how Apparition works with Arithmancy: hell, I don't know. I'm making this up as I go along, hadn't you realized that? Ali Sedek is a joke no one will get, and if you do, YOU WORK WITH ME, KNOW WHO I AM, AND SHOULD NOT BE READING HARRY POTTER SMUT. *smacks* (The broader implication of the name is that, as with Mathematics, Arabs were pioneers in early Arithmancy.)

Toasting forks, toasters, and feelings of ineptness when faced with a computer: hopefully this is the last of MugglyInept!Snape. But not necessarily MuggleWary!Snape.

“I've no comparison, of course, but I have the distinct impression that this flat is absolutely terrible even by Muggle standards.”: Absolutely egregious reference to Truly, Madly, Deeply, and points to whomever on the flist already got it. In fact, Hermione's flat is a lot like Nina's, but without the rats. Including the big one on Rickman's upper lip.

“Crookshanks. He died last year, and I buried him in the back garden.”: Aaaaaaand... YES! I manage to kill off yet another beloved secondary/tertiary character, albeit in far less spectacular fashion.

Mangel and Mortars: mine, not JKR's.

“Yes, I'd forgot that,” Snape admitted grudgingly.: ooooo, he's slipping. Anyone seeing a trend?

Suppression of press reports, etcetera: sorry, my political beefs and biases are showing again. (I really do feel the need to apologize -- I never thought I'd write anything this overt.)

the way she'd dealt with Umbridge had put paid to any notion that she was a gormless female: well, Snape obviously approves of Hermione's actions on that score. *sniffs*

as always Snape had a brief, unbidden worry over where bloody Lupin was, and in what condition: purely for the sake of the population, of course. No interest in how bloody Lupin is actually doing.

ON TO CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 7
Tom Tittifer's Tummy Tonic and Horatia Hornswaggle's Heartburn Helper: mine, not JKR's.

“Lizzie, and yeah, Brisbane,” and “You picked Tonks the Bumbling Wonder for a sensitive assignment?”: apologies to both Liz Barr and Tonks the Bumb-- uh, Tonks. And the “haring” reference now comes into play: Hermione and Tonks have played out a classic espionage “Hare and Hounds” type of scenario with the key drop and hand-off of the documents.

Erumpe sesamum: you're going to throttle me. “Open Sesame.” At least if I got the Latin roughly correct.

Hermione's self-quibbling over Snape hurting her: very common. Many of us are conditioned to excuse bad behavior in others, up to and including physical abuse, and it is indeed a slippery slope. I'm not going to try to justify it in any other way.

The Seventh-Year hexing: I didn't expect an explanation. Glad she cleared that up. (Nobody get pissed at Unredeemed!Draco, please. I gave the kid a break in BNW, after all.)

ON TO CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 8
Nadder's Tongue and Nadder skin: should not be confused with Adder Tongue (a fern, not the snake). Nadder tongue is, exactly, what it sounds like. Wizards apparently use the archaic name for the serpent.

Abercrombie & Filch, etcetera, and “Wizard's Willie Wonder Worker” and “Little Wizard Insta-Gro”: I'm terribly sorry. The story overall has obviously quashed my weird sense of humor for far too long, and this is what happens eventually. (WWWW is definitely mine, I'm sure, although I'd be surprised if no one else has come up with “Little Wizard Insta-Gro.” If not, I'm happy to claim it.) There are two valid points concerned with the erectile aids: 1) Snape is aging. Not that he needs this particular help -- Hermione hasn't worn him out that much, yet.... 2) It's certainly a dig at the way manufacturers promote everything from douches to erectile dysfunction medications, blatantly, publicly, and ad nauseum.

ON TO CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 9
somewhere in the man's family was an unhealthy dose of Troll: I'm taking canon description to some ridiculous lengths, here, deliberately. (JKR does the same, by interpreting some things and items in a deliberately literal way, so I'm in good company.) Refers to the decription of Millicent Bulstrode as somehow hag-like; and I think it not a far shot to imagine that Crabbe and Goyle have something similar going on, given descriptions of them as “gorilla-like,” and Goyle in particular as looking like a “green, mossy boulder.” Hermione's actually hit the mark without knowing it when she complains to Snape of C&G not being the best examples of Pureblood Wizardry (Chapter 2).

Ieper: this is the modern, appropriately-Belgian spelling for Ypres.

Samson Agonistes: Samson the Wrestler (from Milton). Not a parallel, really (though if Hermione breaks out scissors, he's better run). Snape's alter-ego was originally “Agonistes Blodgett,” but that was too much when Bluett ended up in the same sentence, so I went for broke.

King Stones: yup, there are standing stones in Warwickshire, too. The actual King Stones are a more traditional grouping than a single monolith. There's also a group called the “Whispering Knights,” and they do look like a bunch of old dudes in cloaks sitting about nattering. I have done a very thorough job of bunging up ancient British pre-history, however: a barrow wouldn't have a henge or stone around it. (Usually, although some graves have been found at Stonehenge, but nothing like a barrow.) My concession to working with the Shakespeare quote. Bill obviously ignored that I would have to make something out of his text. (Selfish bastard.)

with Muggles classified as non-magical creatures rather than homo sapiens, I'm afraid: "We are all familiar with the extremists who campaign for the classification of Muggles as "beasts".... Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, p xiii (Scamander, Newt: Obscurus Books, Diagon Alley, 2001).

I adore so many English place-names. Morton Bagot, Oldberrow, Wootton Wawen, etc. from this area are good representatives. At the risk of sounding like an ignorant American, I think they're quaint -- not “cute” quaint, in that “oh, that's so English and Hobbitty Bag-End” kind of way, but as survivals of a culture and society much older than the ones I have lived in.

ON TO CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 10
Snape wanting a wake-up blow job from Hermione: yeah? Your point is what, precisely? He's a guy. A horny old guy with a potential morning woodie. And I am a sexist pig when it suits me, I know, don't bother to point it out.

Snape and Terence Kingsley: I really wish he'd shut up, sometimes. Really. Not that it's not only TMI in one sense, but it's a level of hypocrisy from him I could have done without in re: his attitude toward Lockhart. (But as he and Kingsley were only “experimenting,” it's all right as far as he's concerned -- apples and oranges.)

'he was rather disgusted that his holiday (which he'd hoped would be sexually eventful) had degenerated into a long series of mishaps, personally dangerous idiocy, and very little sex': I can hear at least half of you meta-wanking that you think the same. : P

Bluett's information on contraception and abortion: look at history, that's all I've got to say. For further info on what is obviously Bluett's POV, the newest entry I've seen in the debate is Alexander Sanger's Beyond Choice: Reproductive Freedom in the 21st Century. I can't go into the reasoning here, as it's a bit of a slog through a lot of different arguments, but I'll note that he takes it beyond the question of personal choice and freedom, and addresses successful reproduction for the benefit of the species (which includes the ability to raise healthy offspring to sexual maturity, and which has little to do, in this day and age, with producing as many offspring as you can).

Elf reproduction: lies, all lies tenuous, based on very slim canon evidence. Hermione notes that they've been enlaved for centuries (GoF US paper p224), but no date's given; Greenaway and any breeding program is entirely my own conjecture. Everyone else keeps telling her that they like serving wizards, but she responds that they've been brainwashed. (I think that's possible.) We may be dealing with assumptions from people who only know what they've observed, not, apparently, the actually history behind the “servitude”; Hogwarts, a History doesn't even mention the Elves, and we've no idea if Binns goes into it in general history. Hagrid may claim that Dobby is a weirdo for wanting his freedom -- and who can blame him, being a Malfoy Elf -- but I think it goes beyond that: Dobby's terribly proud of earning pay, once Dumbledore hires him, and we know he went looking for work -- it's not that he doesn't want to serve, it's that he doesn't want to be enslaved.) In other words, the “they want to have masters” argument sounds suspiciously like the more paternalistic excuses that were given for maintaining Slavery in the United States.... Of course, it's entirely possible that everybody else is right, and Hermione was zealously barking up the wrong tree.

Snape's club and the Muggleborn Founder's membership in a distinctly anti-social Muggle club: ten five points (it's too easy) for the correct guess as to which (fictional) Muggle club. And it ain't the Hellfire Club.

She was in just the position he wanted, anyway, arse up and her nightshirt rucked up halfway above her knickers: Minds out of gutters. NOW. (Oh, hell, go ahead, wallow away.)

ON TO CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 11
“Forked tongue, forked --”: what do you know. I managed to work hemipenes in after all. Thanks, Ron. *smacks him*

The Weasleys: Yes, they're the case study from Chapter 1. Of the surviving sons one is unavailable (reason withheld for privacy issues), four are married (all Mixed unions), and the daughter married (Pureblood union). Only one son has not yet married. Percy's unavailable, in Azkaban. Possibly hopeless/possibly gay Charlie is unmarried. And George, Fred, Bill and Ron are married. Is my math better than JKR's?

Arthur bringing home latex Muggle condoms to use as balloons: you didn't think I could just drop Bluett's reference, did you? Certainly not after Snape wondered what Arthur would make of them. “Playtex” is a brand name in the US, BTW -- double word-play on “latex” and “play” for my purposes, as Arthur would undoubtedly mangle the description. (Bluett uses the archaic term “French letters” for condoms, and I'm thinking that's how they're still marketed in the WW. Or at least, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.)

Ron's face went slightly bilious: yes, that was absolutely intentional. *sighs* *thwaps self*

ON TO CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13
Elucidating Ears: A stationary version of the Extendable Ears listening device. I have it on good authority that these are patented by Wizard's Warning Widgets, a small, commercially-viable, and secret subsidiary of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. I'm guessing that the occasional “wonkiness” is very handy for the subversives in the Ministry, and may in fact have been engineered into the devices.

Going after more than Flaherty's file: Hermione is still a nosy wench. End comment.

animus et anima exstinguentur ab Dementorii 21/4/05 et Sk. in genera redescribimus 'animal tenebricosus': in spite of the mangled Latin, I'm assuming this is possible. Presumably the Dementors are only supposed to torture, not actually suck souls; I'm postulating some instance in which they might, either because Skellington was too far gone, or a Dementor or two went nuts and overstepped their “authority.” And I refuse to draw an explicit parallel with certain current events as to that latter point, but I think most of you know to what I would be referring to if it were explicit.

I obviously know nothing about the British Legal System, though I've given it a stab with the Indictment. The Wizengamot doesn't follow the modern Brit system, in any case. While Dumbledore acts as Harry's Counsel, there's apparently no attempt to provide the defendant with one. Only a Prosecutor is mentioned in canon, not a Defense Attorney or Solicitor/Barrister. We know that Crouch, as Head of MLE during the first Voldemort period, was likely on the Wizengamot (his successor, Amelia Bones, is). Dumbledore is Chief Warlock at some point, and I'm guessing that only someone who has served as an Interrogator in the past might be able to fill that position, as with the seniority rise to Chief Justice in the American Supreme Court. While solicitors/barristers do exist in the Chaos AU, they attend mostly to civil matters, not criminal, and obviously not to matters brought before the Wizengamot.

I'm not joking about Patricide being considered more heinous than a run-of-the-mill murder, by the way -- it certainly was in the past, and I'm sure prosecutors still like to make that point in summations. Same with it being somehow less heinous for a man to batter his spouse, as long as it occurs in the privacy of their home. (Man strikes someone on street: assault. Man strikes wife in home: “domestic abuse.” Sounds nice and homey, doesn't it?)

Bertie Botts Home for Troubled and Recalcitrant Boys: if you know that I live near a certain notorious Pennsylvania town founded around a candy manufactory and you know something of the history of the founder and his altruistic and charitable endeavors... you'll know what this is a dig at. The actual organization's reputation is far better than the Bertie Botts Home, however.

ON TO CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 14
Wherein the author rejects her first choice of title as too spoilery: the preferred title would have been, of course, "Brighton Beach Memoirs." (Eh, "Snape Takes a Holiday" is better anyway.)

Bless you, Google, once again -- Whitemarsh/Brighton and West Pier: Whitemarsh is mine, superimposed over/in between parts of Brighton. Construction on West Pier (the Muggle version) was begun in 1866 and concluded with the addition of a concert hall in 1916, and was a very popular attraction for many years. After some post-WW II repair it continued in use although it was allowed to decay, and was finally deemed unsafe and closed in 1975. Despite attempts in the 1990s - 2004 to secure funds to restore it, bureaucratic and legal snafus, a few freak storms, and two successful arson attempts more or less destroyed a great deal of the original fabric as of this writing. There still seems to be a determination to restore it somehow (or perhaps replicate would be a better term, given the current damage), but in the Chaos universe the Muggles have evidently given up (I imagine the wizards are very happy about that, and have done some sub-rosa restoration and adaptive re-use of their own. Hey, if Hogwarts can be made to look like a ruin to Muggles, why not a wizarding structure on West Pier?)

Foybel Spires, Basil et al: Fawlty Towers, check. Red Dwarf, check. Are You Being Served?, check. Don't think I can manage Keeping Up Appearances or Chef, although Aga was probably inspired by the monstrosity in Good Neighbours.... Come to think of it, I probably ripped off the name Bluett from Open All Hours (is it intensely low-class of me to like Ronnie Barker?) FYI, PBS Britcom Night is a great way for Americans to pick up names, speech cadence and idioms, etcetera. If I find a way to insert the Dead Parrot sketch, though, it's all over. I'll resign, I don't care how close they are to solving the case.

The surprise fake orgasm/super shag: geez, you got me, they just took off. (Or rather, Hermione did. Snape was as surprised as I.) I'll have what she's having.

Making Draco Malfoy a eunuch: bit of poetic license on my part? Probably. On the other hand, it nicely illustrates my point regarding this particular Snape's hang-up about sexual predators, and allows him to occasionally act like a macho idiot (a dangerous one, but a macho idiot), and to revert to his own double-standards. (I might as well admit it now: Bud White from LA Confidential is one of my fave film characters, and I'm sure this Snape owes a bit to Bud White.)

ON TO CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 15
Merlin the Amazingly Salacious Two-Headed Parrot: it's not my fault, really. Ann or someone inadvertantly issued a challenge, and when Hermione stepped on the lift, there Merlin was. So I had to work “That is an ex-parrot,” in.

Marriage 'On Approval': apologies to Frederick Lonsdale. (Ten points to anyone who gets this, but deduct two if you are both a Brit or anglophile and a Theatre person.)

Hermione and babies and squickiness, oh my!: and another cherished, romantic ideal get smashed to bits.... (This is a hint. Folks waiting for baby-fic may flee for greener nappies pastures now.)

ON TO CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 16
All the bloody memos: sorry, but it's important supporting evidence. I can either give it to you straight, or engage in clunky exposition. And it's much more fun to imagine Fudge and Corcoran behaving like idiots and making in-jokes while writing up the memos....

Cane Hill, Coulsdon: some of you will recognise that right off -- shhhhhh. Snape doesn't know what it is yet. Stay tuned.

ON TO CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 17
When House-Elves Go Bad: this is less due to Kreacher than to Snape's general nastiness with Pinky, I think. (Isn't she a clever girl for learning to read, and isn't she naughty for breaking the safe?) I don't think we've seen the last of the repercussions of SPEW and the Elf situation in canon -- JKR brought it back again in OotP: that's a pretty clear signal that it's going to be important somehow in one of the next two books. Let's just say that I think it's questionable whether the poor little buggers are going to be loyal in the end. (Or the goblins, or the giants, or the were-people... and who can blame them?)

Phrase-parsing pettifogger: I'd like to claim that, but I have a sneaking suspicion someone once said it of Bill Clinton. Or maybe it was 'pettifogging phrase-parser.' (Clinton would be Slytherin, you know. Bush? Hufflepuff. Viciously loyal and somewhat thick. But he'd think he was really a Gryffindor. Cheyney I'd call as a Gryffindor gone bad, and Rumsfeld is... in a House all his own.)

The eye business: this is a metaphor I seem to use a fair bit, at least in longer works, and I left it in here despite the possibility of charges of deliberate recycling (“Save a plot point for others -- Recycle!”) because I think it's important. The eyes are really the most vulnerable parts of our bodies; they're also the most expressive, judging by all the eye and sight metaphors used by writers from time immemorable. (Windows of the soul, Love is blind, etcetera.) My favorite reference is from an adaptation of Ovid's Metamorphoses: “Why is he [Eros] blind? He is blind to show how he takes away our ordinary vision, our mistaken vision, that depends on the appearance of things.” Seeing the inner beauty and worth of things and people, in other words: clear sight, with no illusions. And then again, the situation fit in damned well with the bit of doggerel I lifted from Shakespeare for Flaherty's potion puzzle.

Cane Hill: wait for it....

Soporate: I'm not too happy with this one, but then JKR's spell-names aren't always that wildly inventive, either. (Ennervate didn't quite do it for me, so I bypassed it.)

ON TO CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 18
Kiltman/Rory: abject apologies to the Scots readers out there (Julie springs to mind). I'm sure I mangled the dialect for once, and I know I didn't get cadences. Just pretend that a young Mel Gibson was attempting it, unscripted [insert Braveheart joke of your choice here].

Cane Hill, Coulsdon: hey, I can't make this kind of good crap up. It's real, and I'm sure Londoners will recognise the name if only from the numerous arson reports in the papers. By 2008 it will probably have been demolished entirely and be a tract of executive homes or blocks of flats, rather than existing in the state in which Hermione and Snape find it, especially as I've had to forecast what might still be standing by then. (Future readers post-September 2004 note this, please, and don't freak out -- this is a) fiction and b) more or less an alternate universe.) I have taken liberties with the layout of some wards. I should note that while I will verbally bust a cap in the collective arses of the NHS Trust, various unnamed security companies, and the local fire brigades, this is purely Kiltman/Rory's point of view, and no slander is intended. (Fiction, people, fiction.)

Hermione and I are indebted to several crazy daring and wacko intrepid urban explorers for information on Cane Hill, including the info on The Cane Hill Project. (I'm kidding, guys, I'm actually envious. I'm intrigued with old abandoned buildings too. I don't share Snape's POV.) There's also a very beautiful and eerie photograph gallery of Cane Hill locations at Abandoned Britain. Apologies for any cock-ups of the logistics. The newspaper article is based on an actual article (greatly compressed and paraphrased), but I have unfortunately lost the page url. Anyone with updated info on Cane Hill is welcome to leave comments as to its status.

Pretentious Authorial Intent Note: Cane Hill was deliberate because of Ma Snape? Not quite. I Googled for abandoned + buildings + England, or something equally stupid, and up popped lots of urban explorer pages... and there was Cane Hill and far too many others like it. First thought: just how badly would this Snape poo his pants at having to charge into a lunatic asylum? So it was serendipity.

Felix Foetidus: yeah, yeah, it should have been Putorius Foetidus or something. But Felix Foetidus, loosely translated as 'stinky cat,' was a lot more fun.

Characteristics of elves: I hope everyone's realised that most of the elf info is made from whole cloth, as fooking Newt Scamander couldn't be bothered to put them in Fantastic Beasts. And I waited for months to get my hands on a copy of the damned thing....

Vincula Hominem: there's no JKR-endorsed incantation yet for Binding spells, so there you go. Nope! It's Incarcerous!

ON TO CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 19
Hermione's incantations: Severus wouldn't let me have fun with them, having told me this is Very Serious Business and I shouldn't muck about with the Idiotic Dumbing-Down of Magic for the Sake of Muggle Dunderheads Everywhere. There's absolutely no grounds to date for the spells themselves, though I fancy they're related somehow to plotting/unplottable spells. And as documented elsewhere, I'm sick of Ye Olde Footnotes and translations for the sake of it.

The piano: there is one in at least one of the Cane Hill wards, though not, I think, Vincent-Vanbrugh. It's on a second floor (or first, to be Brit-picky), and explorers have speculated that when the floor goes, it's going to make a lovely crash.

'Better to rule in hell': I'm misquoting deliberately (though I can't tell you whether it's Petherbridge or his grandmum who screwed it up). It's 'Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heav'n'. Milton, Paradise Lost, Book 1.

Arithmancy, mathematics, and all that jazz: hell, I don't know. I'm pulling all of this out of my butt, didn't you know that? (Here, want a tissue? Lye soap? Spork?)

ON TO CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER 20
I think someone took him out of that house and then put him back after the collapse: my fave pet theory -- that Snape was somehow involved in the attack at Godric's Hollow.

"You're doing that thing, aren't you? Your bloody brother warned me you would." There is absolutely no evidence that Aberforth Dumbledore is a Seer or particularly skilled in Divination; he just wound up that way in my warped little sector of the HP universe.

ON TO CHAPTER 21

CHAPTER 21
Rickman Hill Road: I swear, it's really there. No, I'm serious. It's a real bloody road and everything, running parallel to Portnall's Road.

Boeuf Alderton: check the Chocolate Frog cards.

Compulsory medical exams: Sure, we don't have them. Yet. How about the recent attempts to get womens' private medical records as part of a government study on abortion? Still a violation of priviledged information.

ON TO CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 22
Peguese-Wiggelrheum: well, you have to know that “Peguese” is pronounced very like “piggies”.... *ducks tomatoes*

Law regarding the man/father as the only legal entity in marriage/filial relationship: *looks sceptically at Reader* Y'all think I'm making this up, don't you? Check out a book called Women of the Asylum (I'd give you the full cite, but my copy has gone missing among the morass of friends-who-don't-return-books). Look particularly at the case of a Miss Brinkley, a single, adult woman who set up her own household in the 1850s or 1860s, if I recall rightly. Miss Brinkley decided to move to smaller quarters at one point, and sold some furniture which she hadn't paid off yet. (I don't recall if she intended to pay off the creditors or not; she may have tried to.) The creditors complained to her father. Her father, instead of paying their bill or requiring her to, had her certified insane (legally and above-board, by the laws of the day) and incarcerated in the state mental institution at Harrisburg, Pennsylvania -- where she remained until she was elderly, despite her father and brothers having predeceased her, and despite the testimony of several doctors that she was not, in fact, insane. There certainly were women who were independent, who owned and ran businesses of their own, able to buy and dispose of property, but they were few and far between, and their transactions were often accomplished through legal instruments that accounted for the “fact” that they weren't supposed to be able to do such things. Such laws didn't change in the States for quite a long time; nor did divorce law, which favored men. And I'm quitting now, before I launch (again) into so-called “Domestic” Abuse laws, and police and judicial practices.

Uber-Ruritanian ICW Enforcers and general Germanic/Teutonic cracks: remember, this is Snape's POV (the ethno/culturecentric bastard). And it's now official: my German dialect sucks bigger donkey balls than my Scots.

Only one Apparition point in Leichtenstein: paranoid bastards, the ICW, so they want to know who's in town. In such a small country the possibility of accidently Apparating smack dab in front of a Muggle is probably pretty high, too, so there's only the one very secure point; and the speed-walking charm makes up for the stricture against internal Apparition.

Why Belzers and Berg Gutenberg, and not Vaduz Castle: 'cause Vaduz is more or less privately owned by the royal family, and Gutenberg is now a state-owned property limited to fairly infrequent public usage. Moreover, Gutenberg was abandoned at one point in the 1750s, and it seemed a perfect time for the ICW to move into it. (I'm not certain yet how the ICW ended up in Liechtenstein, given that the Liechtenstein wizards acted like asshats in the 1600s, but they obviously came to some kind of understanding.) Besides, Gutenberg has a very nice little tower in which to dump S&H, and it looks more isolated than Vaduz.

ETA:the problem of the couverture laws existing in what some perceive to be a long-emancipated society: this is potentially a nasty problem to wade through as there's no evidence (in my recollection) from the Potterverse on which to base speculation. There seem to be two objections to the potential existence of such laws: 1) the precedent of women in positions of power in the Wizarding World in the distant past, as opposed to our own (where it was rare) and 2) Hogwarts as a coeducational institution.

ON TO CHAPTER 23

CHAPTER 23
“Thought it through with both hands for a fortnight, did you?”: this has got to be from Busman's Honeymoon (Sayers). The Dowager Duchess? Yes, it would be. I have no idea what the phrase should actually be -- this one's stuck in my head for years and years and years.

“I'd figured out innocent explanations for everything except the Obliviate....": this is for... well, crap. Now I can't find the comment. But someone noted a Flint in Chapter 21 or 22, and as soon as I track the bugger down, I'll credit them....

theatresm indulging in gratuitous gloating: so, I'm watching Frontline tonight, and what do we have? An expose of the FDA drug approval system, and several specific instances in which researchers' conclusions and reports were censored (concerns over potential [sometimes demonstrated] side-effects downplayed or even excised, for example). Poor Hermione is in RL-company. (And, incidentally, none of us should rush to jump on the latest new drug du jour, given what I'm seeing about the FDA.)

Schell's explanation of the way the ICW works: whole cloth. The only things we know so far (I think) is that Britain has two seats, Dumbledore was Supreme Mugwump at one point, and they are intensely concerned with upholding the Statute of Secrecy. We can postulate a wider range of interests and oversight, however, given the classification of beast or being concern, and the Liechtenstein wizards' objections to Troll Protection early in the ICW's existence.

**smacks Hermione, HARD, for her Stockhom Syndrome moment**

ON TO CHAPTER 24

CHAPTER 24
oxters: Scots for "armpits." I hope.

Translations: “Nein, nein, das ist schon in Ordnung,” Schell assured the man: many, many thanks to cordelia_v, ridicully, lauschki, pendrecarc, and kate_lesky for help with German and Latin translations, which are mostly to make poor Snape feel more like a stranger in a strange land. Any glaring errors are mine, for trying to combine the neatest bits of all translations. And what Schell and the guard are saying is basically: “No, no, it's quite all right. We need a moment alone to consult. Are you done with those things?”
“Yes. Nothin' concealed, but we're not certain about this.”
"It has no bearing on their hearing. I should let it pass, although if you're uncertain you should have the Warden approve it.”

And Schell's Latin:
“Even if she's sent back and you're not pleased with her chances, much can happen between here and London, after all. Not that I would suggest or abet an escape attempt, but stranger things have happened.”

Dear Severus: shut up about your dick already. We know you're proud of it. So is every other male in the universe. We know you think it's got a mind of its own. So does every other male in the universe. Get over it. Sincerely, the Author

The Cogniscenti and an initiation ceremony involving prancing about bare-arsed in nothing but a pair of Lapland reindeer antlers: Don't ask. Bad day at work. Needed a fun image. Snape bare-arsed in reindeer antlers provided it, but he wouldn't actually cooperate. But I can see a wizards' “secret” society, and one that behaves ridiculously a la the Shriners. What else, with a name like “Supreme Mugwump”?

ON TO CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 25
Hermione thinking about hand jobs: maybe she's been sneaking peeks at Priscilla and Her Randy Muggle Lovers. (No, that is not one ancillary text that I'm going to write up and draw illustrations for, thank you very much -- though it might be fun.)

Snape's rotten French: “N'est pas la langue,” he growled rapidly. “C'est la peuplade. Tous pédés qui pètent plus haut de son cul.... C'est ça. Les femmes aussi -- une grande bande des gouines.” “Not the language -- it's the tribe. (They're) all faggots who fart above their assholes.... It's true. The women too -- a big gang of dykes.” *smacks Snape* Any number agreement errors are mine, since I didn't ask for help on this 'un. (I kind of like “they fart above their assholes” -- much more imaginative than “they think their shit doesn't stink.”) The “Alternative” series of online dictionaries is wonderful, by the way. Too bad I can't get Snape to “take [the little wizard] to the circus.” He certainly “polishes the Chinaman” enough. (And he reflects on “the bald guy in the turtleneck” far too much.)

Witch-burnings in Liechtenstein: true, and apparently for much the same reasons as the Salem persecutions -- envy and greed. The document I consulted (not a particularly academic or statistically valid one, however) estimates that up to 10% of the Liechtenstein population (of the area, rather, since it wasn't really Liechtenstein yet) were accused and/or burned/beheaded. Seriously scary shit.

Additional interesting note about Liechtenstein: while all citizens are now guaranteed the “secret and direct right to vote,” this was -- until 1984 -- reserved for men. (This sounds extraordinary, but I got it off of one of the Principality's own PR documents.)

Schell's connection to Schellenberg: serendipity. (I was thinking more Maximillian Schell when I named him, honest.) I wanted a nice little historic house for S&H to hole up in, looked at my downloaded stuff, and there one was -- Biedermann House in Schellenberg. The house is actually part of a “rural lifestyle” museum complex now. Incidentally, Schellenberg is at the northern part of the country (opposite end to Berg Gutenberg and Belzers), very near Ruggell, where some of the most active witch-hunting may have occurred.

Albus defacing Schell's property: I've already apologized to Willi for this. It's undoubtedly drawn from (then) Princess Elizabeth's similar graffiti on a manor window.

Infamous Pants Incident: phrase stolen from pauraque (most recently, at least).

ON TO CHAPTER 26

CHAPTER 26
Snape being devious: so much for semi-domesticated Snape.

Hermione as Madame DeFarge: at least it's canon that she knits. (Dickens was so immensely popular in the Isles that I can see his work being enjoyed by wizards as well, and McGonagall would be rather brilliant to shove something as long and convoluted as Dickens at Snape to keep him occupied and out of Pomfrey's hair. Dickens falls well outside my postulated 50 - 75 year “adoption gap.”)

'500 wanc fine': I justified this as the Liechtenstein wizards' currency -- as in “wizarding” + “franc.” Please do consider, also, that the Prosecutor has just been very... [insert word beginning in 'w' and ending in 'ky'], and this is therefore a tribute to a certain site for delivering many enjoyable hours of schadenfreude.

Not seeing as much of Fudge's trial as one would like: This is where literary license hits the brick wall of reality for me. Yes, it would be very exciting to see Fudge squirm some more, all the way up to the big denoument; but it wouldn't happen from Snape or Hermione's POV, because as witnesses they wouldn't be allowed to stay in the court beyond their testimony. (Granted it's a system not entirely like RL Judicial systems, but it's enough alike that I couldn't do it.) So the options are to introduce another POV (no, don't think that's a good idea, as it's been one or the other throughout) or something like the scrying glass. (Snape gave that a valiant try, but H and I shot him down -- and I've done it before, in BNW, so sucks-boo to poor old Fudge and his agonies.)

Snape preening over guessing Hermione's period is due: well, they're right sometimes. It's when they use it as an excuse for everything a woman feels that I want to kick them in the nuts.

Bluett's death: BLAMMO! Another one gone. One Literary Hit-Person for hire, affordable rates.... (He couldn't live, really. Schell pushed him out. You can only have one insufferable, annoying-yet-adorable old coot at a time in a fic.)

ON TO CHAPTER 27

CHAPTER 27
Hermione getting into Law: well, several of you saw that coming.

Tallchief: I hear those mutterings about an American Indian in London.... Tough. If there can be Mountain Trolls in the Highlands, there can damn well be a Native American Wizard in London. What he's saying to Hermione about the "central point" has a lot to do with Black Elk Speaks, and with the vision of Black Elk standing on the mountain peak and realising that it's the point where the sacred intersects with the mortal world -- and that it's only one central point among many. In my philosophy, that point is within all of us -- if we look for it in ourselves, acknowledge it in others, and act on it.

Arbuthnot: The man just is Terry Thomas, for those who like to see actors “cast” in their inner-eye's fic-film. (He's slightly nicer than Thomas's usual character.) The Firm of Arbuthnot, Marley and Patterson is mine, BTW, lifted from BNW (one of my earliest non-canon constructs), although I only borrowed the actual Jacob Marley for Chaos, all props due to Dickens. (Don't say it. Don't. If Binns is still teaching History, then Marley can damn well have a second career, chains or no; that bit with reforming the nasty old skinflint obviously earned him his wings out of Purgatory [if not all the way to Heaven], to pinch a reference from another feel-good Christmas movie.)

And, wow. Two good, solid Dickens references in a bloody WIP/serial. Not bad resonance.

Keller Island: it really exists near Isle d'Oussant, is private property, and there really is a single inhabitant -- or such was the case in the research material I found.

Why alchemy in Snape's retirement?: Don't think about the HPPS and eternal life, or all that rot about turning base metals into gold. Bluett's on the right (if opaque) track in Chapter 8:

THE ENDING THAT PEOPLE LOVE TO HATE:
Toldja it wouldn't be a traditional happy ending. Think of it as an anti-fairy tale: Beauty finds out that the Beast isn't so Beastly (only after the wedding night, however, a la Villeneuve's version -- but then the Beast gets cold feet). See next:

FOR THE RECORD: scuttlebutt has it that the ending is "unhappy" because I didn't want to work on a resolution and/or I wanted to wrap it up quickly... to which I can only say, bullshit. ("Bullshit" -- that's a technical writing term. And if you believe that, I have a bridge or two to sell you....) While I don't plot heavily, I do like to know where it's going to end up; this is exactly where it was intended to go (barring any curve balls the protagonists threw at me, and they didn't); and, moreover, the bare bones and several goodly chunks of final-chapter narrative were written as far back as July 2004. My options were to cave in and go for the "happy ending"; do something really horrible to one or both and have a major angst-fest; or choose the course I did, which is relatively open-ended and leaves both characters room for growth and potential future happiness (or shall we say in Snape's case, future peace and/or contentment): they won't necessarily do it together, but the potential is there. There is nothing at all wrong with preferring a happy ending, but please bear in mind that I made a clear decision, very early on, that this was the likely outcome: there was no haste or quick "wrapping up" involved.

I suppose another way of looking at it is, happy endings are well and good if the two people really can be happy together; their lives will be a misery if they can't, and I don't believe these versions of the characters can be truly happy together. (Could Hermione be happy in a relationship in which she was almost invariably the one to have to yield, and in which she would have to submit to sexual relations which are, at best, tolerable to her? I think she attempted to convince herself that she could handle that, but I really, really doubt that she actually could.)

GENERAL NOTES:
Once again, thanks to all of you who stuck with the big bugger. I appreciate that you're out there, even if I get snarky and cranky at times.

AND NOW, THE UNVEILING OF A SUPER-SECRET ADMISSION....
I swore I wouldn't do it. I mean, I really swore I wouldn't, and told Snape to go bugger himself when he poked at me, and everything. Good intentions, however....

Let's just say that if you choose to follow along with Snape in a bit of Alchemy, you might find one possible, far-future ending to the Chaos story. And that REALLY is it; I'm swearing off writing HP, and you'll have to use your own damned imaginations beyond the end of this one.

Snape's Experiment